FTM here, I still have not taken any steps towards a physical transition, but have told my parents of my gender dysphoria. They have….. accepted it to the best of their abilities, let’s just say that.
I have recently stopped going to church as often, another story but relevant to what I’m going to say. My parents still want me to go with them and ask me constantly, and occasionally I will, just to please them. However, church dress requires me to wear a dress or skirt and my parents will not let me go without wearing one.
I know it could be difficult for some of you to imagine, since many of you are MTF and have always desired to wear women’s clothing to fit more with your gender. Nothing wrong with that. In fact, you may understand exactly what I’m talking about, just on the other side of the spectrum. But I want you to try to imagine for a second, being a male, your typical boy, and being forced to wear women’s clothing. How humiliating it is to be forced to wear a dress, how emasculating it is, how wrong it feels, how it feels like someone violently shoving a square peg into a round hole. This is what it’s like for me every time my parents ask me to go to church with them. Most of the time in my day to day life I can get away with wearing boys clothes and my parents don’t mind, but at church there is no choice. And they always have such a hard time understanding why I don’t want to go.
I’m sure you have all felt this way in some capacity, even if it’s in the opposite way. Was it ever humiliating for you MTF girls to wear a scruffy pair of work jeans? It’s even embarrassing, even though you know it’s what everyone around you expects. Wearing a dress makes me feel terrible, even when I wear a pair of men’s boxer briefs underneath so no one can tell I’m still wearing men’s clothing, it’s not enough. Even for a few hours during church sessions it’s more than I can bear and by the end of it I’m always in a terrible mood and just want to break down and scream.
My parents try so hard to support and accept me, and I am grateful for that, but they will never understand, and that hurts.
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