Need Some Advice Quickly

  • Creator
    Topic
  • #88431
    Jennifer Scott
    Participant

    Hi,

    I’m meeting an old friend of mine for lunch tomorrow.  We worked together for a number of years.  I have come out slowly to some intimate friends and have been from time to time.  I am debating on whether to say anything or not.  Some things to me appear obvious:  nail polish, earrings, hairless.  However, I find sometimes he can be obtuse about such things,  I don’t know if I will lose a friendship or if he will blab it around before I have a chance to come out to my circle of ex work mates myself.  How have others handled this?

    3 users thanked author for this post.
Viewing 6 reply threads
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    Replies
    • #89581
      Maria Leigh Gibbs
      Participant

      FREE

      I understand where your coming from, its not like being a child in winter,  when the ice cream van comes around with you in shorts 3 feet of snow on the ground, but still wanting the lollypop.  I’m scared to go out, being new to this and friends disagreeing, I’ve never felt so imprisoned, stuck with just a car and my go pooches, I just drive round find a field where I’m out of sight out mind and me n my pooches play fetch, its just a starting point, things will get easier the more you try, never give up hope. Maria Leigh

      1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #89570
      DeeAnn Hopings
      Ambassador

      AMBASSADOR

      Hi,

      I’m meeting an old friend of mine for lunch tomorrow.  We worked together for a number of years.  I have come out slowly to some intimate friends and have been from time to time.  I am debating on whether to say anything or not.  Some things to me appear obvious:  nail polish, earrings, hairless.  However, I find sometimes he can be obtuse about such things,  I don’t know if I will lose a friendship or if he will blab it around before I have a chance to come out to my circle of ex work mates myself.  How have others handled this?

      I think the most important thing is to be in control of your narrative. The last thing that you want is to be outed by someone. Suddenly, your holding the narrative becomes damage control. That’s a bad situation as you may never get to tell your story, your way…

    • #88854
      Randi Lowe
      Participant

      SILVER

      I recently did the same with my 14 year old son. He was like ok, and said it didn’t change anything. This new generations are so accepting of LGBTQ.  Wouldn’t it be great if the whole world was more accepting?

    • #88553
      Jennifer Scott
      Participant

      FREE

      Hi Chris,

      Yes I am at the stage where I would LOVE to go out and about as Jennifer.  I have done it sometimes: taken walks, short trips to the grocery store, etc.  I also know the more I do it the more chances that others I know will see me.  There will come a time when everyone will know, I am hoping that happens after retirement.  Unlike you it’s not so much the employer that is fine but it’s the people I need to work with at all times.  Some will be good with it and I have confidentially told them and they have so far respected my wishes to let me disclose.  There are others who are totally against trans and they are truly open about it.  It’s a real balancing act.

      Personally I love the changes I am seeing: breast growth, softening of the face, redistribution of fat.  I feel I am in heaven, Transgender Heaven.

      Jennifer

    • #88552
      Jennifer Scott
      Participant

      FREE

      Hi,

      Well things went better than expected.  Stress for nothing.  He was very good with it and said it made no difference.  All good.

      Thank you for your responses.  I appreciate them all.

      1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #88433
      Josie J
      Participant

      FREE

      I came out to my assistant on FaceTime and asked she not spread around the information since I am not otherwise out at work as of yet. It’s strange, people don’t often seem to understand what is going on at time unless you are explicit, but if you would like to come out to others on your I would simply ask your friend to honor that.

      there is always risk of gossip, and loss of friendship, but if they do not what to be friends with you as you are I imagine you will be better off in the long run finding out so you can move on. As far as the other friends, I imagine they will find out eventually anyway—would not be the best if your friend breached your confidence and was disrespectful, but we only can ask politely—it is up to others to be good human beings 🙂

       

      Good luck to you 🙂

      1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #88432
      Chris Landwer
      Participant

      FREE

      My only advice is to believe in yourself. I told my trans friends, and doctors and then family. I only dress in public sometimes, but I would like to more. I am a little concerned about my employer and their response. I dress as often as I can and think you probably want too as well. Good luck and remember you are the most important person you should be concerned about.

      3 users thanked author for this post.
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