New UK Trans-girl looking for friends and advice

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    Topic
  • #125801
    SassyCassie
    Participant

    Hi

    I am Cassie, from Blackpool in the UK. I have been transitioning 8 months, since June 2021.

    I am really struggling with mental health issues, including anxiety, eating disorder, mild autism and ocd. All of these have gotten worse since transitioning because I have no self-confidence in my appearance, especially my face,  which is affecting things like my anxiety really bad. At the moment I am hiding myself away, instead if enjoying my new life.

    I signed up to hopefully chat to others who may be going through similar issues themselves or chat to people who can offer help and advice. X

    5 users thanked author for this post.
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    Replies
    • #125948
      Terri Anne
      AMBASSADOR

      Hi Sassy Casie,

      Welcome to our TransgGender Heaven (TGH) site: A Wonderful, Accepting, Loving, Helpful Community where you can be safe and be yourself.
      The Warmth, Compaasion and Hospitality of our community members can be found throughout the site.
      You can read about the knowledge and experiances of others on a similar path by reading articles and in the forums and chatting in chat rooms.
      My hope is that you will become comfortable here and make many new friends.

      Glad you are here,
      Terri Anne, Ambassador

      ======= Here is a link to the MtoF Chat room: ========
      https://transgenderheaven.com/chat/mtf-transgender-chat/

      ======== TGH Membership PLANS ===================
      https://transgenderheaven.com/choose-your-plan/#link_acc-1-3-d

    • #125861

      Hi Sassy Cassie! Good to have you here. I’m in the States but I was born in a place called Greenock Scotland near Glasgow. A very long time ago! 😂 I deal with some mental health issues including anxiety. I’ve been taking medication for it for years. That and learning techniques to help me through it has made all the difference. Might I suggest talking to a counselor and considering meds? There’s no shame in it. After all, you should, as you say be enjoying this time.
      Abby
      🤗❤️🙆‍♀️

      • #125906

        Hi Abby,

        Thank you for the message.

        Do you miss Glasgow? I once had z great drinking session there lol.

        I have tried avoiding meds because I have sleep paralysis and I worry it may trigger that more.

        <p style=”text-align: left;”>I would like talking to a counsellor but waiting lists on the NHS for mental health issues are so long</p>
        X

        • #125927

          Well I was only a year old when I parents hoisted me out of Greenock and across the seas. But considering my past, if I’d have stayed there long enough to drink I’d have had quite a few good drinking sessions.
          I’m sorry about the sleep paralysis. Perhaps you discuss the possible effects of meds. But you know yourself far better than anyone else. As to the counselor all you can do is get in line and wait for one. Good luck.

          Abby. 🤗🙆‍♀️

    • #125836
      DeeAnn Hopings
      AMBASSADOR

      Cassie:

      Good to have you here and I hope that it will be a good experience for you!

      One thing that strikes me is that you have various issues going on at the same time and perhaps there is some interaction between them. Assuming that to be the case, it can be very difficult to sort through them. Many members have found that working with a therapist is very helpful. It is hard for Us to be objective about Us. As a therapist is an objective observer, they can see things in us that we cannot see. Anyway, I don’t know what is available in your area, but often LGBT centers have helpful resources for trans people. If they do, sometimes the services are offered on a sliding scale basis that is more appropriate to ones income.

      I understand what you said about the art of doing makeup. My wife has essentially no interest in this, so I have learned by a couple of sessions with an independent, semi-retired professional as well as a few sessions with MAC Cosmetics professionals. It isn’t difficult to learn, but there are many ways to go wrong, and if something does go wrong, how do you correct it? If you seek professional services, maybe the way to go about it is to dress in a fairly androgynous way and with no makeup. That way you won’t look really out of place in guy or girl mode. I don’t know how it works in the UK, but makeup stores here have some expectation of the purchase of X amount of products in return for the “free” makeover. Also, if you do go to a place for makeup services, many here have had discussions with the artists concerning what are the slow days and what would be a good time of day in terms of minimal activity. It helps to tell them that you are a trans person. If anyone has a problem with that, you can cross them off your list.

      There is a UK magazine, web site and online forum called TransLiving. I am a subscriber and a few years back they published an article that I wrote. Check them out as there’s lots of information on their pages and online presence.

      If you would like to search for other members in your area, click on Social in the menu and then Member Directory.

      I encourage you to complete your Profile page. Threads come and go and all eventually sink to the bottom after they run their course, but your Profile page will always be readily available and can be updated at any time…

      1 user thanked author for this post.
      • #125908

        Hi DeeAnn

        Thank you for the message.

        Here in the UK the NHS is not very good when it  comes to transgender patients, there’s not alot of support at all for us. Alot of trans girls pat for treatment privately but it’s so expensive and unfortunately I just don’t have the money.

        As far make up salons offering makeup sessions in return for buying products, I don’t really think we have anything like that here. It’s mainly hair salons. Maybe in the big UK cities like London and Manchester they might.

        I will look into that UK trans site you mentioned X

        • #125914

          Hi sweetie I’m on the slow boat transition I’m self medicating as trying to see a GP here is almost impossible.ive had laser hair removal for the last 12 months and it’s almost disappeared,I just need a little electrolysis togetvrid of some lighter hairs .
          I’m lucky I have some beautiful girl friends who love me and help me .we have girls nights in ,one is a hairdresser who has helped me with my hair pieces,she also loves doing my make up as do the other 2 I know .
          We get ready and go for walks and the odd drink in some of the friendly bars we know .
          Huge hugs Emma x

          1 user thanked author for this post.
          • #125916

            Aww that sounds, unfortunately I have nothing like that as I have no female friends since coming out as female myself.

            Was the laser surgery expensive? X

          • #125921

            Hi Sassy I’ve spent about £800 to get rid of it I’m still going I have another 3 sessions booked ,it hurts like hell to start with but does get a little less painful as the hair dissapears. The lip area really does hurt but it’s been worth the towel gripping half HR sessions and the tears x

        • #125913
          DeeAnn Hopings
          AMBASSADOR

          Yes, I understand the deal with the NHS. Others here have discussed the same issues. My wife is a spinal cord injury patient and is in contact with other SCI patients in a number of other countries. Problems with the NHS is a frequent topic in that community as well. It sounds like, and it’s just my impression, the structure is in place but it is severely underfunded. That will just never work.

          I’ve seen discussion by other members about self-funding, but as you said, that is expensive. That is one approach that some have taken to work around the long waits for appointments and procedures. Agreed, that won’t work for everyone.

          One of the major problems in the trans community is isolation. This can happen in general, but it is particularly a problem for folks who live in smaller cities or rural areas. One of the good things that has come out of the pandemic is that a number of activities and services have been forced to function online via ZOOM, Google Duo, etc. This is VERY helpful for those who are not close to facilities. Going forward, whenever we go back to regular in person meetings and activities, it’s likely that a hybrid structure (in person and online) will be adopted. Anyway, hopefully you can get in contact with groups that have an online presence.

    • #125833
      Brielle
      FREE

      Hi Cassie, welcome to the site! I have just begun transitioning and have a lot of similar issues. I’ve not been diagnosed with Autism, but I know I am on the spectrum, as I have had social anxiety my whole life. I am taking Concerta for ADD as well. I have finally blossomed as I have recently come out to my wife and started going to local group functions dressed as a woman.

      Unless you have done a lot of Photoshop editing, your eyes are gorgeous! I don’t think you need much extra help at all. Perhaps there is a local salon that caters to trans and CD clients that can give you a makeover and some pointers. Or maybe uyou have a trusted lady friend or relative that can help you? As for me, I just watched a lot of You Tube and Tik Tok videos for make-up. There’s also a great video tutorial here by Maxine Herron in the Video Sessions pull-down.

      I’m certainly not an expert but I can say what’s worked for me (if you like my look – giggle!). I have more pics on the Crossdresser Heaven website if yiou are interested.

      Hugs,

      Brielle

      2 users thanked author for this post.
      • #125834

        Hi Brielle,

        Thank you for your lovely message.

        In answer to your question, no photoshop editing at all lol, there my natural eyes, quite few people do make nice comments about them. The issue I have is everything below the eyes, when the mask comes off it completely changes my face to that of a male.  It’s my nose and, chin and cheekbones.

         

        I always new I was female but hid it for my entire life due to not understanding the feelings and thoughts I was having and being embarrassed.

        Then a year ago I had a really bad personal trauma happen and a few months after that I decided that I didn’t want to hide anymore who I really was and came out as Transgender. I know alot of trans females hide coming out until they start HRT etc, but for me I made the choice to come out as full time from day one, because once I knew I was definitely female I couldn’t then carry on pretending to be male.

        That was really hard, because I came out as female to my mum and friends before I even knew anything about how to dress and look feminine.

        As pride as I am about finally coming out as the real me, it’s also brought a whole loaf of issues.

        My anxiety is really bad, I never leave the house unless I really have to and I won’t ever go anyway or see anyone without my mask being on. I am so scared of looking male still. I know I am female but seeing a male face in the mirror is heartbreaking.

        I have no female mates, cis or trans, so I have no one to help and advise me on things like make-up and clothes, my mum is supportive but she’s never been a make-up type of person. I have tried watching videos on the internet but because of my autism I struggle to learn from a video, I need someone in person.

        There might well be salons in town who can help but then I am scared of being in a salon full of natural born females staring at me and sniggering.

        Cassie x

        1 user thanked author for this post.
        • #125897
          Brielle
          FREE

          Hi Cassie, you are so brave! I have come out to my wife and most of my medical team, but no one else so far. I would like to alreday be FT as a woman, but I guess I’m just afraid of what other people I know will say or think (sound familar? giggle). My eyes, chin, mouth, and neck are far from feminine. But onec I get makeup, false lashes or mascara, and “lippy” on, it really changes my whole look. My avitar picture is unretouched. You woukd be shocked to see me in drab.

          I guess what I’m trying to say is we all are very self-conscious of our look as we begin getting out. What you’ll find is most people won’t even know or react. They are concerned with themselves. You may get a longer than usual glance, and a few women may actually give you a sly smile that says “I know, but you are safe”. I would bet the other women in the salon would be encouraging and polite. The salon would want to maintain a safe place for any customer.

          If you feel able, maybe call a couple of salons and ask if they are trans-friendly or have a stylist that works with transwomen. They may have accomodations like a chair at the rear of the shop. If that just isn’t a thing you can do, ask your mum if she has a friend that can help you with the makeup in private, or maybe she could call the salon for you and go with you. You could have a mum and daughter “spa day”! I think once you have a proper makeover your fears of going out will vanish!! I know I feel so confident when I’m all made up. Way different than the shy, boring guy I am the rest of the time.

          I know how hard it is with Autism. For what it’s worth, I NEVER initiated social events with friends. I’m happy to socialize, but always resist picking up the phone. But when I’m Brielle, I’m quick to make friends and I somehow became more of a social butterfly. I need to work on my voice (a LOT!) to feel comfortable on the phone, but I’m lucky to have a local group on the Meetup app that has monthly meetings to socialize.

          I’m just trying to give encouragement, so please only do what you are comfortable doing. Baby-steps are fine. One of the biggest things you’ve done is tell your mum – that’s HUGE! If the mask is a way of giving you security, just continue wearing it when you go out. You are definitely pretty enough with it, girlfriend!

          Hugs,

          Brie

          • #125905

            <p style=”text-align: left;”>hey Brie :)</p>
            Thanks again for the nice reply.

            I have tried wearing lipstick but i still look like a male. It’s my nose that gives it away.

            Honestly I am dreading the day grey say masks in public are no longer needed.

            It’s nice that you have your wife’s support and I hope everything keeps going forward for you. As I said in my previous comment, I have heard alot of trans-girls do hide coming out until they have started hormones etc and carry on in ‘male’ mode in the meantime, and I get that, you have to do what you feel most comfortable with. But just personally for me, once I acknowledged i was female, I couldn’t go back to ‘pretending’ to be male. Even though that meant still looking very much male, whilst I identified as female.

            That’s a good idea about the Salons, I will email a few and explain my anxiety issues.

            I have been in a special support place for the last 4 months  because of my eating disorder, which hasn’t helped my transitioning because I felt very alone there, but I recently left there and moved back to my home town and into my mum’s house, which in itself is hard because I feel like I have lost some of my independence and almost feel like a teenager again – she’s already made a comment about how short my dresses are lol.

            I don’t know about in the States, because I know you have a different healthcare system, but here in the UK the NHS is rubbish when it comes Transgender patients, they hardly offer any support and it takes upto 3yrs of been on waiting list just to start HRT. Everything else you have to fund yourself, which feels impossible when the costs are so high and your signed off sick and claiming benefits.

            At the moment I am trying to achieve more realistic affordable goals,  like hair extensions, lip filler, eyebrow shaping/tinting.

            I am hoping I may be able to find some local help groups. Where I live is a town called Blackpool and it’s less then an hour from Manchester, which has a large LGTBQ community.

            I will upload a photo in the photos section, but I will have my mask on, it’s my comfort blanket lol X

          • #125922
            Brielle
            FREE

            I hope you can find support and the help you need to move forward in your journey. If I were young again, I would already be FT as a female. But in my younger days, people like us were locked up, beaten up (still are sometimes, sadly), and given “conversion therapy” (a polite term for torture). You could continue wearing a mask for a while and tell peoiple you have an autoimmune problem that forces you to be careful.

            I’m pulling for you, girl! Remember, you have as much right to be your authentic self as anyone else.

            Lots of hugs,

            Brie

    • #125832

      Hi

      I am Cassie, from Blackpool in the UK. I have been transitioning 8 months, since June 2021.

      I am really struggling with mental health issues, including anxiety, eating disorder, mild autism and ocd. All of these have gotten worse since transitioning because I have no self-confidence in my appearance, especially my face,  which is affecting things like my anxiety really bad. At the moment I am hiding myself away, instead if enjoying my new life.

      I signed up to hopefully chat to others who may be going through similar issues themselves or chat to people who can offer help and advice. X

      Hi sweetie here to chat

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