Pronouns ?


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    • #122442

      I came out to my wife about ten years ago and seance then most of our family and friends. I go to support groups and whenever anything easel is going on with the LGBTQ community, I use she/her as pronouns. My wife asked me what are your pronouns and I told her it depends where my head is at. Sometimes I feel like I am in guy mode but I like being a she/her. I am a trade person I go to work in jeans and a sweatshirt every day my hair is long and my ears are pieced and I still feel like a woman. I look forward to the end of every work day just so I can be me and I don’t feel like a them / they.  I fought and denied this feeling most of my life and felt I have lived a lie it was not me lying it was what everyone else wanted. My son called me a tough old man the other day at work I told him sometimes you got to do what you got to do to get by.  My son knows all about me and is proud of me but he also has fear. I have worked with some tough women in the trades and I am one

    • #124127

      Pronouns are what feels comfortable to you.

      My preference is they/them for myself.  I am not a He/Him, and She/Her feels better than He/Him.  However I don’t feel that I look or sound like a She/Her, even though that is who I am inside,  and it makes me feel insecure to use them.  Therefore I go for They/Them as that feels more ‘right’ to me.

      Everyone is different.  You just to find what works for you.


    • #124129
      DeeAnn Hopings


      Pronouns are a very personal thing. Two things come to mind. One is how we feel internally and the other is how we wish to be seen externally.

      Internally is pretty locked in for whatever that may be. It is how we think of ourselves without any external factors. In other words, there is no compromise.

      Externally, what is significant for me is that my pronouns are consistent with how I am presenting. I present as DeeAnn probably 98% of the time. It is how I am known here. When I am asked for pronouns, for a ZOOM call for example, I use she/hers without hesitation. On those rare occasions when I present as Don, such as when we did vaccines back in the Spring, certainly the expectation is he/his. In that situation, being referred to as she/hers would be really odd and inappropriate.

      To me, it is about clarity. Sometimes you may see folks dressed in a completely feminine outfit, but with a beard. I don’t mind if people do that as they are a part of my community. However, it is likely very confusing for those outside of the community. While my mindset is non-binary, my presentation (and expectation of pronouns) will never be.

      But, this is the sort of thing that everyone needs to sort out for themselves. If we are not comfortable internally, we will never be able to convince anyone externally…

    • #124143

      In male mode it’s he/him. In female mode she/her.  But I’ve been misgendered in male mode as “miss” or  “ma’am” since childhood.  I have a slight build.  Perhaps it’s how I move?  Have smaller hands? Had long hair once?  In recent years I’ve taken to not even correcting them…. it pleases me that they see the older female me 🙂

    • #124507
      Miriya Paris

      Like everyone else I think the use of and effect of pronouns is a very personal thing and we all take it differently when misgendered or correctly gendered. I have seen several MtF TG’s loss it when someone uses a male pronoun when there are presenting as a girl. But to me honestly it does not matter, I have been getting misgendered forever either in guy or girl mode.  Lots of times even before I knew what transgendered was people referred to me as a girl and used she/her/etc, never bothered me. When presenting as a female I have had several people use the he/him/etc and it still did not bother me, even had several people do it out of spite or hate. It all reminds me that how we deal with insult or mistakes shows who we really are on the inside how much we are at peace with our inner selves.



    • #126479

      “Yes.” Your pronoun should definitely be “yes.” LOL

      Enough about the oddly worded survey answers.

      You should use the pronouns that feel best to you. They may shift and change. Perhaps several times a day. They may settle on one and stay rock solid for life.

      Only you can know.

    • #126490

      Hum pronouns.
      I think yes they are a very personal matter. And yes they come from both our inside and outside. Reading these posts. I have gone through and felt the pain from wrongly used pronouns. And from it being done from spite and hate and/or fear. We all know and understand the turmoil we have gone through trying to grasp and understand what is going on with us. So I think we can grasp what it ALSO has everyone else going through, trying to figure it out and trying to decide how they are going to act. And yes that puts US back in the middle of it. I also have seen a MTF loose it. I don’t know if that helps or defeats us…I feel that only myself can find and keep my balance.

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