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I have a question. As I’ve been moving away from the “I’m just a crossdresser” world and into the “I’m trans” mindset, I keep coming across stories about how amazing most seem to feel once they’ve completed the transition, or at least are living all or most of the time as a woman. It makes me so excited because I so badly want to have that same feeling…
But, what if that doesn’t happen? What is this is just a case of “the grass is always greener?”
I’d love to hear about the possibility that maybe, after obsessing over the fact that you want nothing more than to live your life as a woman, can you get there and be like, “Oh, this was a mistake.”
We put so much at risk with coming out to family and loved ones, and wouldn’t it suck to put everyone through that if it turned out to be the wrong decision?
To be clear, I don’t have that doubt right now. I’m convinced that his has been true for me for a while, and when I daydream about starting to live life as the woman I know I should be, I get just as excited. I guess I’m just worried that I might get there and be like, “well, this isn’t what I thought it’s going to be…”
Is it just me?
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I am working on the try it and see, and take small steps.
People can de-transition if it feels wrong later, although only a small percentage tend to de-transition.
Most people who get to the stage where they transition have spent some time considering it before they reveal themselves to the wider world.
Personally I am taking small steps to keep my dysphoria in-check, removing body hair, shaping eye-brows, clothing, telling people, changing my title and pronouns, getting my ears pierced. No medical intervention yet, unless I need it. Next may be (semi-permanent?) facial hair removal.
Alexis:
Sounds a bit like that Peggy Lee song: “Is That All There Is?”.
I think everyone’s story is different to some extent. It wouldn’t surprise me that there is euphoria at one end of the spectrum, quiet relief at the other and everything in between. Anyway, I think the number of people who permanently detransition is pretty small, but some may revert temporarily for some specific reasons and then continue on their previous path later.
There is a guy that conservatives like to bring up as someone who detransitioned. However he admits that he lied to his therapists so that they would approve his transition in the first place. That isn’t a failure of the system. That is the result of someone who blatantly and convincingly lied.
Anyway, nothing is perfect, but it behooves us to be as straightforward with our therapists as we can…
Hey – I would love to hear more about your experience. TBH, in my mind I feel like that’s my end game. I don’t really feel the need to have “bottom surgery” (a term I’ve only recently learned about!), but to live and present every day as female feels like it would be a dream come true.
Mind if I DM you? Thanks!
xxoo,
Lexi
Me,this inner woman wanted out and age 18 I was suffering during my senior year of high school.Lot of my good friends were concerned and I knew they were there for me.Mom,she saw I was falling apart.Good thing is she love me as a daughter with a much happier life.Knew I would be happy as a pre op.I learned about the estrogen very well,emotional mood swings at times
Hi Alexis , nice name !
I have no regrets at all on making the transition to become a post op woman . Every day is just as beautiful then as it is now .
Terri-Alexis
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No regrets when I decided to transition and not to have the GRS.I am completely happy as a pre op transsexual to this day.
Hey – I would love to hear more about your experience. TBH, in my mind I feel like that’s my end game. I don’t really feel the need to have “bottom surgery” (a term I’ve only recently learned about!), but to live and present every day as female feels like it would be a dream come true.
Mind if I DM you? Thanks!
xxoo,
Lexi
Alexis ,
There are no guarantees in life that it will be fun and all in it’s glory . We all have to make sacrifices throughout our lives .
True friends will support you in your life even if they disagree , they will always be there for us . If not so be it , this are people you don’t want in your life . Negative breeds negative .
Family it can be hard , but like anything else in life we can chose who we want for our family to be . Doesn’t matter whether we are born into it .
If you are having self doudts on moving forward and are comfortable where you are , then why the question ?
I could have not gone for my bottom surgery , but would have I felt complete … more then likely not . I know myself all to well and it would have been filled with depression .
Friends come and go , we change who are family is through out our lives . When we are ready to leave this earth and start a new journey , if you can count at least 5 true friends , then we are truely blessed
Terri-Alexis
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I’d love to hear about the possibility that maybe, after obsessing over the fact that you want nothing more than to live your life as a woman, can you get there and be like, “Oh, this was a mistake.”
Although, I have zero regrets personally (five years post op this summer), everyone’s circumstances are different.
I can’t tell anyone that this is the right or wrong decision for them personally.
Everyone has to decide for themselves.
Likewise, I can’t speak for everyone who does medically transition, but most of us don’t feel that we are “giving up” anything by being our authentic selves.
If you feel as if you would be “sacrificing” something by transitioning, then maybe its not right for you?
Or at least, maybe now is not the right time?
We put so much at risk with coming out to family and loved ones, and wouldn’t it suck to put everyone through that if it turned out to be the wrong decision?
By the sounds of it, you want some guarantee of acceptance by others before going into the process?
For me, it was more a case of “this is who I am”. If anyone decided not to accept me, then they messed up.
In my case, my mother messed up. But the rest of my family were fine. So were most complete strangers!
Thanks for your thoughts. I think the guarantee that I want is that if I end up sacrificing relationships, I want to know that that won’t make me regret my decision! That I’ll still feel confident that I made the right decision, no matter what. I realize there are no guarantees, though…
Coincidentally, I did come across a Twitter thread last night on a very similar topic, and one reply really stood out to me. It was something along the lines of, “cis-people don’t ask themselves these questions.” In other words, if you spend every hour of every day over many years asking yourself if you’re trans, well…that’s probably your answer.
I think the guarantee that I want is that if I end up sacrificing relationships.
Transitioning isn’t a test of you. Its a test of your friends and family.
Are you concerned that some of your friends and family will fail the test?
I won’t lie, they might fail.
You might also be surprised at who succeeds and who fails as well.
But if they do fail, then you didn’t “sacrifice” anything. You just discovered one of two things :
1. That friendship was 100% situational, and rather shallow as well. People grow apart. Its no loss!
2. Your “friend” was actually not a friend at all. Getting rid of their false friendship is actually a blessing.
Coincidentally, I did come across a Twitter thread last night on a very similar topic, and one reply really stood out to me. It was something along the lines of, “cis-people don’t ask themselves these questions.”
I don’t agree with that at all. Cis people have these “honesty dilemmas” all the time.
Only instead of “shocking revelations” about gender, they don’t know if they should spill the beans about something else involving reality.
Sexual orientaion, secret crushes, confronting people about bad behaviour etc.
Honesty can kill shallow friendships in an instant. But are shallow friendships worth much in the grand scheme of things?
No. Because they are very easy to replace!
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