Sexual census. Q:


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    • #90289

      I seem in the minority, So my question is? I consider myself Transgender. I am only attracted to straight men. This seems feasible to my mind, because the definition of Transgendered is feeling like the opposite sex you were born under.

      So if i am a woman inside…It would seem i would be attracted to straight sex like a man and a woman.

      However, it seems to me , most trans people like other trans girls. I am confused by this.

      No explanation needed, I mean I get it. you are attracted to what you are attracted to…But are you transgender if you are attracted to other tgs.

    • #90291

      No interest, sexually in anyone of any gender – but I suspect my lifestyle has trained me that way over the years. 

    • #90298
      Michelle Lawson

      Linda, I am in the same boat as you. So what’s a girl to do…. Someday, maybe, I’ll meet the man that can get over his own concerns as to how he sees me…. Until then, it’s just one day at a time. Hugs, Michelle

    • #90301

      Even tho, I am Kara when I feel like I want to be,Kara ,, I still have my desires to be with a real GG Woman &,,,, I also have some desire some-what? to,,,, want to have the attention while (being)-Kara /dressed up from a man, but,,, only to a certain amount like,,, holding of hands &,,, just a friendship 

    • #90302
      DeeAnn Hopings

      The sexuality of trans people is as varied as that of cis people. From what I’ve observed on this forum, and others, is that I haven’t noticed a preponderance of any particular orientation. We are all over the place, it seems.

      There is an interesting thought that I have run across. The suggestion is that trans women are attracted to males as a way of looking for validation as women. I can see how that might be true, but I have no idea as to how prevalent that might be.

      Finally, people have moved away from the term transgenderED. The implication is that something happened that made us be transgender people as opposed to something that is inherent. In parallel, we don’t say lesbianED, for example…

      Also, one can be transgender without the experience of gender dysphoria (the anxiety and discomfort resulting from a mismatch between sexual assignment at birth and perceived gender). This can be true for non-binary and intersex people, for example. Anyway, the concept of being transgender is broader than only being born in the wrong body…

    • #90304

      This leaves out a number of possibilities. Asexual, Pansexual, Cis and TG women…

    • #90842

      I am not sure how i would or should answer this. I have always been a Crossdresser my entire life, I have often wished i was a girl for most of life but that feeling would come an go. The urge/desire to be a woman in the past ten years became stronger and stronger, so at 61 i started HRT (6 months now). That said i always felt i am Bi sexual, as a man i experimanted and enjoyed sexual relations with men but they were not attracted to me? Even when dressed as a woman i was never really attracted to men but yet i enjoyed and wanted the sexual aspect of being with a man. I also loved to be with TGs, i think that was a way for me to think i wasnt really gay and still experiance the sexual aspect of a Man and woman and i believe i was envious of them.. I also enjoy being with women very much, i love my wife and enjoy our sexual aspects as well. I dont think i will ever fully transistion do to family friends and work, although since being on HRT i do feel mentally better and my body is starting to match my desire to be a woman.

      • #91119

        Also well thought out.. i like the personal aspect that you both use. thats really what im going for here. Not argumentative whos what definitions.. more …. what are your emotions and desires telling you.

        ty for sharing.

    • #91075

      When I was living as a male I was never attracted to men, only women. When being intimate with a female I always projected myself into a female role, although I only have had one female that would cooperate and treat me as female during sex. After I transitioned I kept an open mind about my sexuality and finally at 8 months into HRT, I confirmed myself as only being interested in women. I chose trans women as the partner I would like to have because I think that it would be very hard for a lesbian female to accept a trans female as a partner. Not impossible, just hard. Rather than be lonely the rest of my life I would choose someone that would be accepting which would be another trans female

    • #91123

      This issue has been a recurring one for me.  I always found it odd that I enjoyed meeting men for sex but never seeing them as “sexual” in public…until I started venturing out in public as Jemma.  Suddenly I was attracted to them and pleased when I got their attention.  Part of that is simply the joy of being recognized as a woman, no matter how transitory that might be.  Part of it is also because I now live almost exclusively as a woman in my head.

      Recently I accepted an invitation to meet a man for sex and misunderstood the role he wished me to fulfill.  For the first time I left an encounter full of self-loathing and confusion.  It took me several days to sort out all the conflicting questions and panic.  I now believe that I will never again be able to be the “man” in any sexual or romantic situation.  I also believe that my attraction and appreciation of both women and men is fairly equal, though clearly being with men as Jemma it is far easier to be the woman I long to fully become.

      Finally, I have realized that I would give up the possibility of ever having sex again to bring my external self in line with the woman buried inside me.  My need to be the woman I am is not based on sex.  In fact, sex was never the goal at all.  Identity is the goal.  Cherry pie is great with ice cream, but still fantastic alone.  It irritates that so many people in my life want to reduce me to a sexual category instead of an identity.  Ideally I see myself as a Pansexual-Transexual, but also see that I may eventually become an Asexual-Woman.

      • #91130
        DeeAnn Hopings


        I think a lot of what you said has to do with the lack of understanding and confusion in the general public. They THINK they know about us, but they really don’t. The stark proof of this is that often when a trans person comes out, the question is often “Are you gay?”.

        • #94832

          you are so right.  I cannot get past the “you are gay” point to the real point.  It’s kind of like the gal in high school that was pilloried as a slut just because she slept with more than one guy.  You have one relationship with a man and you are gay.  Period.  Pansexual?  That’s gay right?  Transexual?  Yeah but you’re still gay right?  It is tiring.

          • #94864
            DeeAnn Hopings

            Sadly, people cling to what they KNOW and it is very hard to penetrate that. It’s almost like logic and reason has outlived its usefulness…

      • #94839

        Really like what you’ve said Jemma. I was in a relationship with a gay man for about four years before both he and I realized that I just wasn’t versatile in the way that most gay men evolve in their sexual relationships. I always felt I was this submissive woman, and while I loved the sex with this man, the issue ultimately came down to gender. He always wanted to be and was drawn to masculine. He wanted hairy and sweat, and all I wanted was to be hairless and smell like a rose. Ha Ha.

        What transpired was maybe the best thing that ever happened to me. This gay man said to me, “I love you and I want you to be happy. Be who you need to be. I’ll support you a 100%.”

        It was the first time in my life I didn’t feel like a part of me had to exist in secret.

        What I see clearly today is my gender is it’s own island. It needs to express itself, and while it may help define my orientation, it doesn’t need a sexual relationship to exist. I finally feel secure in who I am. So grateful for this relationship. Taught me everything I need to know.

    • #91129
      DeeAnn Hopings

      [postquote quote=91075]

      I know lesbian identified trans women who have told me how difficult it is to find other women for relationships. I can think of various reasons, but I can’t say exactly what is going on.

      Historically my orientation has been bisexual, but as time goes on, it is becoming more and more lesbian. But I am married and I’m not looking for anything else. In part, I think the shift may be due to the acceptance that I feel from the lesbian community here. I like that and it was also quite unexpected…

    • #91138

      Sexual attraction is simple for me.  I feel that I am straight.  When I am in a dress, I am interested in men.  When I am wearing boxer briefs, I find women attractive.  Is that to simple or wrong?

      • #91141
        DeeAnn Hopings

        It isn’t This or That. It’s just an Is…

      • #91301

        read my above statement… so you bang the girl… felt good…. does it bring the same sunami as being in a dress with a man… it cant be equall. IMO.

        if it is thats pretty great… with woman great… sex with man (emotionaly right) is for me 100X.


      • #102872

        Though I could not force myself to wear boxer briefs, I prefer women when presenting as a man, but I will also top for men and trans ladies. When I am presenting as woman, I only want men, and want to be treated like a woman in every way possible.

    • #91203

      As DeeAnn stated, it just IS… sexual orientation and gender identity are two different things.  I am attracted to woman, but I have also found myself fantasizing about men… Whether this is true attraction (i.e. I am pansexual) or just a way to justify myself as a woman, not sure.  It could go either way until the rubber hits the road (i.e. I have sexual relations with a man).

      Good luck! and remember… a loving relationship is never built on gender… it is built on trust. be honest with your partner and be the best person that you can be and enjoy your time together!


    • #91328

      as to my sexual knowing i was a women it was to men it only felt natural

    • #91650

      <p style=”text-align: left;”>I like cis women and other trans women only.  Straight men are not attractive to me and not my preference.  Though I am versatile I enjoy top and bottom from both cis and trans women</p>

      • #92311

        Very much the same for me.

        Masc presentation does nothing for me, I find it unappealing to the point of disgust. I like femme presentation: soft, smooth, tits and “clits”. I’m not overly concerned about crotch hardware, though so far I have not had the delightful opportunity to sample girl****.

        Even before I came out to myself I often thought of myself as a Lesbian trapped in a man’s body.  I wondered if transition/HRT would shift my attraction. 2-1/2 years in, so far no.

        • This reply was modified 3 years ago by Jasmine. Reason: TGH Forum Rule Compliance
    • #91661

      Hi ladies , i’ve never seen Leslie as a sexual conquest for anyone , male or female , cis or trans . I love being Leslie , i dress as her every day and will till i no longer exist . I have a boy friend and he’s very nice to me , but we’re just that , friends . I see myself sometimes being more and hoping , maybe ? I find my self on the bi sexual side and i want love , not just sex , i want a relationship with the right person , male or female , someone i care about , someone i love that loves me and i am going to hold out for that . I guess you could say Leslie is a virgin , she’s never been touched and if need be thats the way it will end . I say if you can find true love , go for it , don’t let it get away . Being a trans woman in life is hard enough by its self , you are just as sweet and wonderful as any woman out there , don’t sell your self cheap . I hope we all have love and understanding , keep the faith ladies , let the lady out and see who notices her . Leslie

    • #92421

      What happened to all the other choices? Bi? Non Sexual? Cis & TG? Everyone? etc, etc? and I have no clue?  Seems to me the question it self limits the answers. I am BTW a bit of this and a bit of that but mostly this or that, so the answer must be Everyone or Non or I have No Clue if you add a degree of how much where 51% of category means confirmation. However for all the admirers out there the answer is No! I do not like you in that way.



    • #92433

      I voted both male and female, but in all honesty I prefer having a man. Doesn’t mean I would not kiss a transgender girl, but if it’s about having a relationship then it definitely would be a man. Huggs!

    • #92441

      I got hit on by other TG women enough at group therapy sessions that I wont attend any such thing anymore. Sexually, nothing does it for me. If I had the right equipment, things might be different. I prefer the company of a man. I tried woman and didnt like it. Women also get on my nerves quickly. The other thing is that with sex toys, I prefer the ones shaped like a phallus.

    • #92673

      I can’t vote. You left out, “sexual preference is fluid and i have yet to know what I prefer.”

    • #92697

      [postquote quote=90289]
      Hope to be a mans wife in the future, but I may also find women sexy 🥰

      We are what we are and I am a transgender woman wishing she was born a girl 🧍‍♀️

    • #93716

      E. None of the above.

    • #93728
      Cheryl T

      If we are speaking strictly about sexual attraction then I enjoy both. Some of what attracts me is the personality and I find that I appreciate both other TG’s as well as men. Were we speaking of a relationship, i.e. long term, then at this time I would be seeking a man, but would be open to other options.

    • #93731

      [postquote quote=90289]
      I didn’t vote because I didn’t see my category. Maybe someone already said this but gender identity has nothing to do with sexual orientation. I consider myself non-binary, and gender fluid. I’ve always had an emotional connection to women, was married to a cis woman and have dated trans women. I’ve been in a long term relationship with a gay man, and am also attracted to straight men.
      I really want to stay away from identifying labels because it always feels like there are these boxes one is supposed to fit into. If there is anyone who understands that paradox it’s us.

    • #99825

      i am attracted to both. i want to be desired and taken by men sexually, but my passion for love making, kissing, cuddling, and such is with older tg’s.

      one thing is for sure we are all different just like everybody else.

    • #99827

      Being transgender isn’t about who you are attracted to, it’s about who you are. Just like a woman can be attracted to another woman and still be a woman, or a man can be attracted to other men and still be a man, a TG is still TG if they are attracted to other TGs.

      Like you, though, I do find it interesting that a majority of TGs seem to be attracted to other TGs (I’ve found that to be the case in many groups where this issue was discussed, not just here). I’m solely attracted to straight men, so I don’t fall under that group, but I do wonder if there is some reason for that preponderance of TGs preferring other TGs sexually. I’m just curious. I am a cultural anthropologist so these issues interest me.

      • #124145

        “Being transgender isn’t about who you are attracted to, it’s about who you are. Just like a woman can be attracted to another woman and still be a woman, or a man can be attracted to other men and still be a man”

        A wonderful way to frame it… thank you!

        After much self reflection and experience in the alternative lifestyles community, and being fortunate enough to have a similarly minded partner that is attracted me as a complicated, sexual, human being, I have come to realize that as a trans person I’m primarily attracted to women, and very bi-curious.

        The question posed is interesting… why would someone feeling they are female still be atttacted to other females?   Why are cis women attracted to other cis women?   No one knows.  There is research that shows there could be a genetic component… a trans twin is much more likely to have a twin that is also trans.  There is research ongoing that has found slight differences in male and female brains.  There are theories that posit exposure of XY embyos in utero to female hormones has an effect on that child possibly feeling themselves female.  So perhaps Lady Gaga is right… maybe we’re just born that way?  I like to think labels are for jars not people.  Desire is desire.


        • #130018

          “Being transgender isn’t about who you are attracted to, it’s about who you are. Just like a woman can be attracted to another woman and still be a woman, or a man can be attracted to other men and still be a man”
          I too agree with this philosophy. I may have been living life as a confused, depressed and angry man, but my goal now is to transition to be a woman. The most relevant part of that sentence to me is the very last word. That is how I wish to continue life, and how I wish to be remembered. Yes, I will be a transgender woman, but after all is said and done ( literally considering what must be done!) I will be a woman. I am not particularly happy about assumptions that ‘therefore my sexuality must also change so that I fully represent a cis-woman’. Maybe that’s why my males friends feel uncomfortable now? I don’t doubt that for some people it is a viable choice, or maybe a psychological shift that brings about a change in perception, and attraction.
          I was brought up in the 70’s and 80’s, and the only ‘female impersonators’, drag artistes, transvestites etc we saw on tv were gay men. I thought in the 21st century we were trying to steer away from this myth, not perpetuate it.
          I don’t car what or who you are attracted to, and it is as irrelevant to me as what car you choose to drive as a TG woman.

        • #139930
          Susan K

          Wow you just gave the right answer!

    • #100860

      Hi Linda

      Trans feminine or lipstick lesbian for my preference. I love women, in fact I’m married to one of the most wonderful of her kind. I get hit on by other woman quite a bit now that I’m a woman myself!
      I find a number of trans women very attractive and, dare I say, sexy as hell. No doubt a strange desire to many (or maybe not reading further) but the fact of the matter is some of youse out there are a damn sight sexier than many ‘real’ women!

      Yes! You know who you are!

      Ohhh… Polly

      • #100862

        Big same for me. I’m totally femme attracted. Girls are da bomb.

    • #100910

      I cannot speak for the other ladies on this site, but only from my own experiences. I am very attracted to women, and I find the female body (and femininity in general) to be much more attractive than masculinity and the male body in general. That being said, despite my attraction to the female form, my only sexual desire is to be treated as a woman by a partner with a penis. I have no desire to take the traditionally male role in any relationship. I want to be treated as a woman in every way. Though there aren’t many ladies out there fitting this description, I do prefer to date other pre-op trans ladies that are tops, or that prefer to top. To me there is nothing more beautiful than a woman with a penis. Who can understand my motivations and desires better than someone has had many of the same experiences that I have had?

      • #100936

        Sounds very similar to my own sense of my sexuality. I have only ever had the opportunity to play the “male”/”top” role. I can enjoy that role, but don’t want it as a steady diet.

        I am very bottom “curious”, but am totally disinterested in experiencing that with a masculine presentation.

        I guess I’d call myself a femme attracted switch.

    • #101548

      I am LOVE-Attracted to straight men.  From an early age I gravitated to boys as a child and men as an adult.  I always thought of myself as a woman inside, and that woman is now 68 years old.  As a child I played with the girls, but sneaked kisses from the boys.  It was amazing at the age of 4, or 5 how many boys are willing to kiss you.  As an adult I learned to take care of my penis’ needs and had sex with many different woman, but mostly for the sex.  Back 1973 I had a boy friend that was gay, and we shared sex.  He enjoyed me as a male, and I enjoyed him only if he treated me and let me be the girl.  It was special, but it was not love.  I was getting to experience the “girlishness” that smoldered internally since birth.

      I have fallen in love only twice in my life, and both times it was with a straight man.  In 1972 during Vietnam I was stationed on a ship overseas.  Me and another shipmate became very tight, we went everywhere together, did everything together, and this went on for 5 or 6 months.  I knew how I felt about him, and I acted with true friendship.  One afternoon we were both walking down a sidewalk in some big overseas city and he turned to me and told me he loved me.  I stopped in my tracks, I turned and stood in front of him, I stepped in and embraced him with great affection and tenderness and whispered in his ear that I loved him to.  He pulled away and said: “No…as a brother.  We never hung out together again.

      I fell in love once again in 1977.  I was in college and met a professional road bicycler.  I went to a very small college with only 300 students in all 4 years (tiny).  His really fancy bike and my pretty good bike were the only one of any value in the bike racks.  Our bikes often found themselves next to each other, and soon I meet him and we became next to each other.  We biked together 3 or 4 times a week, we rested after a good ride, we talked and really enjoyed each other.  He was amazing, and he was actually on the US Olympic biking team.  I felt so good when I was with him.  Months went by and we spent much of our free time together, but it was a strictly honors program college and we were both very serious students.  One night I was in my dorm room and having just taken a shower was wrapped in a towel.  There was a knock on the door, I opened it and there he was:  He informed me he was leaving school, returning to train for the next Olympics, but he had to say goodbye first.  I never saw him again.  I read about him in various magazines and such, but never saw him again.  I never told him I loved him because of the results last time, but I loved him so much.  I was heart broken for a long time.  He was my last true love.  I still regularly think of him and wonder how he is doing.  Almost the same with the first man, but not the same because he did reject me.

      I am married now to an amazing woman.  If she read this she would cry.  I do love her but it is not the emotional melting, gladly submitting, long to kiss kissing type love.  We were best friends for most of our marriage, and now with me almost a year into transition we are no longer even that.  In the early 80’s a secretly a woman-man that wanted a family got married to a woman.  Would she give me a few children was the question I asked her immediately before proposing to her.  She answered YES, but within a few years she declared me a pervert and said she would not give me children.  I was not a pervert, I was a feminine man captured by the social norm that transgender was verboten.

      So, to make a long story short: as soon as I am with vagina I will go out and attempt to meet a man.  I will be 70 or 71 years old by then, so my meeting a man may take that man a pair of beer-goggles.  I am not afraid; the only thing I have wanted more and for longer then a man I truly love is to become a woman.  As a child I wanted to be a girl; too late for that: woman it is!!


      • #101553

        What an amazing, beautiful, brave story to share. Thank you. You’ve touched my heart today.

    • #103209

      Wow! So many different responses! For me, it’s simple. Haley is a woman, she likes men. Hal is a man, he likes CIS women. It had “coffee” one evening with a CD and it just did not feel right to me. While I find many girls like me attractive, the sexual attraction was just not there.


    • #103221

      I transitioned many years ago, back in the mid 70’s when there was no “transgender”….you were either a transvestite or a transsexual. All this new terminology leaves me often befuddled and bewildered since I feel so out of touch, but I’m learning, gradually, what it all means.

      From a very young age I always envisioned myself as a wife and mother; I even went so far as to use pillows under my shirt so I could be pregnant just like my mother was at the time. This was obviously quite disturbing to my parents who were very concerned for their boy child who seemed to have no male identification. I spoke of having a husband and giving birth to children, not understanding in my young mind that it was an unlikely dream in that era. I was always attracted to males but only in the sense that females are attracted to the male.  When I got older I still had not become familiar with the term “transsexual” and I was thus labeled  “gay” by a society that couldn’t understand my behavior. I knew that didn’t fit; I had no desire to be with a man while being anatomically male myself. Never in my life have I experienced attraction to females…I adore the masculine that compliments my feminine. In the early gender programs the requirements didn’t allow for  T girls to be attracted to women or to other T girls. The attitude at that time was that if you truly identified as female then you exhibited only those behaviors associated with heterosexual females….the programs didn’t allow for any broader definition of one sexuality or preferences. Indeed, I was initially denied surgery because I had loving yet platonic relationships with other T girls. Our abiding friendships evolved out of our mutual shared experiences of trying to survive in a dark time of misunderstanding and bias that often resulted in violence, physical harm and death. Yet this aspect was not considered and I was dropped from the first gender program and deemed an unsuitable candidate for surgery. Undeterred, I did find another program and eventually received my surgery that aligned my spirit and body.
      <p style=”text-align: left;”>After all these years of living and working as a woman I’ve successfully managed to find my place as a woman within society and while my past is always a part of who I am, it remains where it belongs… the past. Relationships, however, are still very difficult as men still struggle with the idea of their woman having been born with a male body. After all these years I still face rejection and broken relationships because “I used to be…” I’ve been asked why I don’t date crossdressers (is that still a politically correct term?) Or other T girls instead and the answer is that I’m attracted to masculine men…always have been and always will be. Now in my late 60’s marriage sounds nice but its not a priority. I have a wonderful life, a beautiful home and a terrific job I love. I believe that for the majority of us our destiny will be the single life but I realized that early on and have come to terms with it. It’s not likely that I’ll know and experience the beauty and joy of making love with a man who cares as much for me as I would care for him but I understand that I’ve been so blessed throughout the various chapters in my life that I don’t feel deprived. I’m grateful and thankful for all of it and who I’ve become as a result and am happy to pass the torch to our next generation who will further pave the way for the men and women yet to come.</p>

    • #115559

      I have been question this for some time and I still don’t have an awesome for this . When I had a male body I only dated woman but it never really felt right . Once I started transiting I started dating men , but that didn’t feel right at all either …. I haven’t dated in over 16 years and I find myself wanting back in the loop . Not sure I will ever find that person , but I’m not going to let me stop living .

      So not sure which way to go it could be with a woman or man . Always wanted to get married and believe its the person soul you fall in love with .


    • #117983

      I spent a long time wondering why I feel like a butch lesbian in a man’s body. I’ve since learned I’m more futch (in the center of the butch/femme spectrum) and a gynoromantic bisexual. I’m some butch but love pink to death, am sexually attracted to both males and females (mostly females), and am romantically attracted to anyone of any gender that is AFAB or looks noticably feminine.

    • #121430

      [postquote quote=90289]
      [postquote quote=90289]
      Although I voted transgender, I don’t consider myself to be. I’m a male who likes to the clothes that women wear and would like to wear them. I very much love women, wouldn’t be interested in having a physical relationship with a man. Would go out on dates but as girlfriends, if that makes sens

    • #129708

      [postquote quote=90289]

      I’m with you Linda

      • #139928
        Susan K

        Here I go again, the reason we get in a relationship with another trans is because mens just want sex and don’t want a ltr so you end up having a better relationship with another trans or cd because they care about you s a person.

        we all wish to find that gentleman who take care of you and you in return give everything for him sexually and affectionately.

    • #129712
      DeeAnn Hopings


      I would hesitate to say that trans women are specifically attracted to other trans women as that may relate more to expediency. Anecdotally, it seems that cisgender gay women tend not to be interested much in trans women, so it could be that trans women being with other trans women may be more of a fall back position. As I said previously, trans people can have any sexuality that would be associated with cisgender people…

      • #129758

        While I always respect what you write DeeAnn, I have to disagree with your statement…”cisgender gay women tend not to be interested much in trans women.” Since I’ve come out, I’ve had a number of gay cis women approach me on my different social platforms asking me for a date. I have a number of trans friends who have dealt with much the same issue. Also stating “trans women with other trans women is a fallback” seems as if we’re relegated to also ran status compared to the hoped for relationship with a cis man or cis women. I’m being facetious here, but it’s hard, period, as we get older, to find someone that checks all the boxes in our relationships. I want someone who’s into me, whether that person be cis, trans, non-binary, gay, or straight, I could care less as long as they’re into me. That is what I deserve. Finally, just want to say, there are definitely cis men who are totally into dating trans women. What that is all about I’ve yet to discover, but boy it is amazing the number of straight cis men I’ve been approached by. All state they are into dating trans women, period.


        • #129770
          DeeAnn Hopings

          The key word is “anecdotally”. What I said is the reflection of what I have been told by some trans women that I know. I think the location has to be factored in. There are a number of out lesbians here; “here” being Palm Springs and the surrounding area. Perhaps they are a bit more selective in general. I don’t know if anyone can say definitively. But, the fact remains that the trans women have been rejected as soon as they revealed their status. Further, the women who explained their situation to me were not masculine looking trans women (term only used for description, not judgement) and had affirmation surgeries. We must also consider that some lesbians are put off by the sight of a hot dog, so to me that could suggest that trans women may still be viewed as men.

          Obviously this is all speculation as neither of us have sufficient data points for anything that could be remotely considered statistically valid. It is also the kind of thing where the possibilities of formal research are pretty unlikely.

          As far as trans women developing romantic relationships with other trans women, perhaps it would parallel Jewish lesbians seeking other Jewish lesbians. The relationship is built on a degree of commonality of information and experiences. I had a good friend here, who has since passed away, and I realized that the foundation of our friendship was the fact that we were contemporaries. While we may interpret an event differently, we were working with the same information and experiences (such as Elvis Presley on the Ed Sullivan show, Neil Armstrong’s moon walk, the assassinations of the Kennedy’s and Dr. King, etc.). In other words, the history didn’t need to be explained in order to talk about it. For trans women, it might seem a bit strange to talk about dilation exercises with a cisgender woman, compared to another trans women.

          Regarding relationships between trans women and cisgender males, I always wonder about the role of the novelty effect. The indicator would seem to be if there are long term relationships or not. From my observation, I suspect that there are not many.

          Anyway, these are all quite complicated situations and, in my opinion, not likely to be unraveled any time soon…

        • #129779
          DeeAnn Hopings

          Ran across this:

          From what I see, the data seems to have some strong indications…

          • #129783

            Basically what I’m getting from this study is this whole mindset, and I will say gay folks are predominant in this thinking, that trans men are basically women and trans women are men. It’s been a real struggle in the LGBTQ center of Hollywood in some social meetings to get gay men and lesbians on board with the ideology that trans men are men and trans women are women, when their whole foundation for existence is based on acceptance of the binary. I’m gay, therefore I’m attracted to men, period. If I’m attracted to a trans man, who was a women, I can’t be gay.
            Accordingly, having a cis-male state they would not date a trans female, goes along the same lines previously stated. If I’m attracted to a trans-female, I must be gay, because she was a man before she became a women.
            The article does go on to state those educated are more open to dating trans men and women, but still there is a huge gap in awareness and acceptance.
            The one thing that wasn’t stated, and here is where social media comes in, is when a cis woman or cis man sees a photo of a trans woman or trans man, without an awareness of those people in the picture being trans. I would say there would be a much broader spectrum of people who would initially say yes to dating the person in the photo.
            I am aware that what society perceives trans people to be and what people see walk out that door are two different realities. I’m convinced we are on our way to a greater alignment between those two realities, but it will take a number of successful trans-cis relationships integrated into our social framework to break down that wall.


          • #129784
            DeeAnn Hopings

            Yes, that was my point. What I’ve been told is that things were OK UNTIL the reveal. That’s where it all went south. Agreed that it isn’t rooted in presentation. It is essentially perception…

          • #129946

            So some context might be important, it seems like it comes down to what is down stairs. CIS men tend to follow the 2 dick rule, if there are 2 dicks, its gay. If not it’s fine. Similarly Lesbians tend to follow suit, if there is a dick its not gay. Simply put Straight men and Lesbians tend to not want dick. Gay men and straight women tend to desire dick. That’s the long hard truth.

      • #129774
        Lauren Mugnaia

        Hi DeeAnn, based on very recent experiences, and what has been happening in my life lately transitioning to living as a woman 24/7, I am going to agree with what Alicia says. Where I work I have been thoroughly embraced by both cisgender and cisgender gay women. I have an amazing fan club of gay ladies who have come out to me and are following my journey with great interest. Over the weekend I have announced on social media that I am transgender and now living as a woman named Lauren. The response has been wonderfully positive and encouraging with almost 80% of the responses coming from women. I was asked by several women at work what my sexuality is now, I told them my natural sexual preference is for women so that now makes me a trans lesbian. I have no idea where this will go but it is definitely fun!

        • #129778
          DeeAnn Hopings

          Functionally, friendships are very different from romantic relationships. Who we go to lunch with may have no bearing on who we sleep with. In some cases there can be coincidence and in others, not. It depends.

          Last month, on March 9th, I spoke before a gathering in recognition of International Women’s Day. Interesting that you used the term “embraced” as I said something quite similar. The particular excerpt is:

          “At the end of January 2016, we retired and relocated to Cathedral City. I became active in various groups and currently hold office in 5 organizations. I didn’t plan my entrance into the women’s community here. In all honestly, I  didn’t  really  think  about it. I think I was afraid of the reception that I  would  get. All that changed when I met Lucy and Gail and Ruth Debra. Lucy and Gail invited me to a meeting of Your Women’s Circle and I eventually joined. Ruth Debra invited me to an OLOC meeting and I eventually joined. In both situations, I was  VERY  surprised. I felt embraced . I have no other word for it. There are many others that I could mention, but it would mean that we would be here for a while.”

          Beyond these women, I could easily name another 30 or 40 with whom I have great relationships. However, these are all friendships without any romantic overtones in either direction.

          Regarding raw data, if one were to parachute into Palm Springs with no knowledge of the rest of the country, it would be easy to think that the rest of the country was quite LGBTQ friendly. However, we know that this is not the case. We’re each dealing with a unique set of circumstances that may, or may not, be replicated elsewhere…

    • #129797

      I was trans the moment I looked between my legs and saw my genitalia for the first time.

      I first knew I liked girls at about age 5.

      I first knew I like men at about age 13.

      None of those events are related. You have fetishized it.

      You are unique. You don’t need to question other peoples transgenderness in order to understand yourself. Just be it.

    • #130230

      I answered I am a TG woman who is attracted to men because after my surgery I married a man. Growing up I was not attracted to boys, With all the therapy I had, my therapists never thought I was gay, but trans. My relationship with a boy began soon after I transitioned full time to a girl while I was still in high school. We began as just friends although he was attracted to me. I never had trouble passing since I had not gone through male puberty changes. I didn’t really fall in love with him until after I realized he was in love with me so decided I better tell him about me. I expected that would probably be the end of our dating and probably even our friendships. Instead the opposite happened. The day after I told him, he came to talk to me and said after thinking about all I had told him, that he still loved me and in fact, loved me more as he thought about hard it must have been for me to open up with him. I was the one he felt comfortable with and could trust and talk openly with. Part of my plan was to have the surgery after I finished high school. COVID then hit that delayed my surgery for a year. And our relationship deepened and we became engaged. As soon as I recovered from the surgery we married. So my answer had to be attracted to men as my now husband is the only person I ever even dated and am now happily married.

    • #130262

      I’m a little surprised there isn’t an option for “women”.  (cis or trans)  That I would have to choose one or the other.

      As mostly trans women ourselves, don’t we tend to have to tell the rest of the world that a trans woman is a woman?

      Granted for me, as far as what I’m attracted to, the individual should seem fairly feminine (to me).  But I  don’t want that to be misconstrued as piling on to the “passable or non-passable” bandwagon.  My attraction is simply to feminine people.  And I acknowledge a trans woman may be in varying stages of transition, or may not ever achieve (or want to achieve) a certain level of feminine appearance, and this doesn’t take away from them being a woman.  It’s just a statement of what I personally find attractive in a romantic or sexual way – not a choice that I logically made – but a reflection of how I’m made and what gives me “that feeling” inside that logic cannot dictate.  🙂


      • #130263

        p.s. I just noticed this survey is fairly old, I think a newish response is what moved it to the top of my reading list.  Normally I wouldn’t dredge up an old post…  But anyway, it gave me an opportunity to express some thoughts.  🙂

        • #130307
          DeeAnn Hopings

          Yes, we do have some threads that last for some time. It doesn’t happen often, but there are some that are 2 or 3 years old.

    • #130274

      Started this a year ago. since then i have been with alot of men… no dought its where i belong,,,, few weeks ago at a bar in a casino, i was having a drink and it was lil chilli, so i was shivering some.. All of the sudden I feel this warm coat on my shoulders and a deep voice say, ” are you cold baby?” all i could do was smile ear to ear. I never felt like that with any woman.

      • #130308
        DeeAnn Hopings

        You have discovered YOUR groove, but it varies from person to person. My history is that of a bisexual, but I’m much more aligned with lesbians these days. I’ve been embraced by the community and my guess it is something akin to women who identified as lesbian in the 60s-70s, in part, as a political statement. It is, as they say, complicated…

      • #139927
        Susan K

        Wow I wish that could be me and give whatever he asked me to lol

    • #130428

      being sexually abused at an early age warped my mind a bit, when i hit puberty i learned about sex through anonymous literature, which only warped my brain more. i became submissive to both men and women and suffered at the hands of many sexual predators throughout my life. i’ve always claimed to be bisexual, but sex, as much as i love it, triggers unwanted memories. love is most important to me and the hardest thing to find, let alone hold on to. in the end, it is just wonderful for someone to allow me to lavish them with the love and affection i have to give, more so than being touched by them. for a while i considered myself a male lesbian, but find myself drawn more and more towards sensitive males and especially transpeople i can relate with. gender no longer matters as i can appreciate any human body as long as there’s a humane soul inside.

      • #132043

        Thanks, Jess. I’m so sorry for what you went through. I have an opinion similar to yours, but from a different perspective. I’ve always treasured love over sexual contact. My wife now knows some of what was behind my lack of sex drive, but even when I wasn’t actively dressing ro feeling more female, I still craved snuggling over doing it.

        I didn’t have any abusive history (other than my own self-flaggelation), but if I never had sex with anyone the rest of my life, I’d be okay with that. However, lack of loving contact is something I can’t forego.

        • #132063

          Hi, Brielle,

          I’m not sure whether I’m navigating this post correctly, but here goes. 🙂  The closest analogy that I can think of is that of a cat.  It’s not unusual for a cat to cuddle up at 3 A.M. and start purring.  I’m like a cat, except that I don’t know how to purr. 🙂

          I hesitate to give advice, simply because we’re two different people who may very well be in two different situations.   In my own case, my spouse wanted to maintain the status quo, and that was unacceptable to me.  We didn’t have any kids, so there was nothing keeping us together. We’ve been apart since 1983; the last I knew, she was on her third marriage subsequent to ours.  We’ve had no contact since 1999, shortly before I moved to my current residence of Pullman, WA.

    • #130434

      I have been a crossdresser for a long time and plan to transition surgically to MTF trans woman. But, I am only attracted to straight, preferably alpha males. I enjoy some power exchange and I do not feel dominated with another TG or a gay male.

      • #139925
        Susan K

        An alpha who can make you feel a woman and fulfill he’s needs yes, but has to be someone who can treat you with respect and take care of you as a woman and not a piece of meat.

    • #131955

      I’m attracted to women.  Cis or trans doesn’t matter.

    • #132007

      I can’t remember if I have answered already…long ago?
      I can be attracted to anyone…except macho cis men, in fact I don’t like men in general. So my brand of trans isn’t binary. I need to look female because I am female. Sexual preference for me is down to the person…not their sex or gender. I fall for people not bodies. I don’t believe it is possible to change the experiences and genetics of a lifetime so I accept I will never be a woman, in the sense a cis woman is. And that’s ok. I prefer ‘none binary’ rather than trans or woman. Emotionally I am a product of nurture…which hasn’t a label I feel comfortable with. I’m not sexually attracted to cis women either. A lifetime of fails has made that clear lol.
      Alex x

      • #133832

        I did not answer the poll….  I am attracted to cis women and other mtf tg’s. I  would be amenable to going out with a guy. I fantasize about having sex as a woman all the time. Wishing I were born female.

    • #133935

      [postquote quote=90289]
      I love to feel like a lesbian and I like to service why I voted both

      • #139924
        Susan K

        Yes we should be attracted to men but most of them just looking for sex like a normal heterosexual, I guess most of us accept another trans or cd because they know our needs of love and not just sex.

    • #138521

      I didn’t vote because I wasn’t sure what category I fit under, I’m a trans man and I’m pretty sure that I’m asexual. Personally I would date a trans/cis woman or a trans/cis man, it’s not about their body or their parts but, their personality. As long as they have a great personality I would date them, though I wouldn’t do anything physical unless I felt I really loved the person.

    • #139621

      I am for transgender women like myself.  I once entertained men, but what I found was they were only after sex, not a love relationship.  I had also been married to a cis female before I opened myself to other people.   During the  last few months of my marriage, I met with a gorgeous transgender woman and her crossdressing man/’husband’.  From that meeting, I felt I need to be with someone like her instead of anyone else.  When I was done with men, i began looking for a compatible trans-woman.  I met many but I found that most were too arrogant and/or competitive.  I wasn’t competing!   I met one online recently who I am still working on, and she is full time, non-op.

      • #139923
        Susan K

        I agree with you and unfortunately men are looking for sex only.

    • #139832

      I apparently voted and can’t remember but probably TG and both.

      I don’t remember replying either. But definitely my sexual identity is female. My sexuality is another matter. Right now I lean towards men and in reality I’ve only ever been with one woman who I married. But when I was younger I was very attracted to women. Definitely in love with a few.

      But they had no interest in me sexually or relationship wise. Looking back I suspect they wisely saw me who I am or simply gay.

      I saw myself as bi and a cd so I tried to meet men as a woman rather naively.

      I found out of course, men, even men attracted to us, just want sex. That’s ok. Men are men. I tried the gay route but gay men like men. They didn’t need me dressed as a womam

      So really I need a man or a woman who is comfortable with me and who I am.

      Sex would be nice, male or female. Actually just intimacy,cuddles,kisses would be nice. None of which my wife offers.

      I may say I prefer men right now but I’d be happy if my wife just spontaneously hugged or kissed me tomorrow.

      Not so complicated really.

      A bit sad though.

    • #140037

      Not sure how to respond to this poll…

      I am a trans woman and a lesbian who is open to dating anyone who identifies as female, regardless of how they were assigned at birth. If you are a sweet, caring, loving, empathetic, sensual, and honest woman, those are the most important things to me.

    • #129997
      DeeAnn Hopings


      You are speaking about the mechanics of a particular kind of relationship. For those here who don’t have that set of experiences, it sheds some light on how things go, the thought processes and some of the watch-outs. To me, what you have said provides some insights that many here might never have. It also highlights the fact that, regarding human relationships, there are many roads to town.

      The important thing here is to not delve into the purient details. That’s where things can go off the rails and serves no good purpose…

    • #130188

      Thank You DeeAnn for your feedback on this and looking back at what I shared I agree with you with that “The important thing here is to not delve into the purient details. That’s where things can go off the rails and serves no good purpose”. Decided to click on -trash- to delete it as the more I reread it and look back at it I see how it really doesnt have anything of importance to keep it listed as it just speaks of alternate relationship lifestyle being transgender and pansexual and the problems/difficulties that can come with that which now sort of looks like more of a blah thing to share.

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