The Drive

[Natasha Mari]

This is not about actually going out and driving, but a semi-conscious dream that happened to me while struggling with my life.  I wrote this on CDH but thought I would bring it over here also.
—
I left the house frustrated.  Frustrated that nobody understands the weight and pressure that are on my shoulders.  It was pouring rain so I dashed in the car and slammed the door behind me.

“Why do I fail at everything?” I screamed as I put the key in the ignition and started the car.  Putting on the loudest fastest music I could find in the vehicle, I peel out of the driveway like a wailing banshee.  Images flash through my mind of everything that was going wrong.  My decrepit house, my dying dog, broken vehicles, failed business, bankruptcy, lost jobs and crumbling relationships due to my toxic behavior, all these thoughts kept coming.  With each thought the mood got darker, angrier.  Events and people were now starting to come through, resentment, failed opportunities and repressed feeling were starting to boil over.

Fits of rage, remorse, hostility and anguish now replaced the images and memories.  Visibility is poor through the rain, made harder by the tears of sadness and tunnel vision of my unbridled rage.

Suddenly the car dies.  Kaput, nothing, no power, no radio.  “WHY? Why doesn’t anything ever go right for me”, slamming on the steering wheel screaming.  Getting out and moving to the front of the car steaming mad, I try to open the hood (bonnet for you Brits :P).  With frustration levels at a high makes the simplest tasks impossible to overcome, I failed to open the hood.  Falling to my knees, head hands my body sobs uncontrollably in the pouring rain with the only word being mutter “Why?”

The passenger door opened and a pair of heels clicked on the asphalt.  The sound of the heels made its way to the front of the car.  A woman crouched down and wrapped an arm around my shoulder and slowly helped me to my feet.  Head still hanging from my depressive state I noticed that she is completely dry while I am soaked to the bone.  With her support she guides me to the passenger side of the car and places me in the seat while calmly telling me that everything will be better now.  After gently closing the door she makes her way around the car oblivious to the rain that was falling around her.

After getting in the drivers seat, i tried to tell her that the car won’t start.  Before I could say a word she turned to me with a smile and turned the key.  The vehicle started like nothing happened.  She turned on the lights and stared out the windshield.  I followed her gaze and realized that 10 feet in front of the car the road was washed out into a 100 foot cliff.  She turned the car around and started heading back the way we came.

While driving she extends her hand out to me and say, “Hi, My name is Natasha.  I’ll be driving from now on.”

—

The morning after having this dream I woke up like I was struck by a pink bat.

[DeeAnn Hopings]

As I understand, one thing that dreams do is allow us to consider something subconsciously that we are struggling with consciously. Based on what you said, I can see how that might work out.

I can relate to your experiences in some ways. I spent decades sort of lurking in the background so as not to attract undo attention. While I had a decent career, I suspect it would have been MUCH better had I lived up to what I knew I could do rather that trying to avoid being found out.

So, it seems that you have your direction. It must be time to get after it…

[Author]

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