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There is a moment when you are taken as women for the first time (MTF) A milestone to anticipate, worry about or fear may not happen. The moment when you can feel what it is really like to be ‘a women’. That emotional transition to acceptance.
Walking down the street in women’s clothes, makeup and confidence I had often felt…well a bit unsure of myself. I so wanted that moment when the tables turn and someone says ‘miss or madame.’ What a huge relief…a euphoria even, a rite of passage. I’m assuming this is a watershed for all of us…is it?
Your friends are polite, family supportive (mostly) but do they really believe you? The only confirmation is when a complete stranger takes you for a woman.
When I had mine it is was huge psychological boost. There is an irony to it, which is amusing I hope.
I accompanied my ex wife to a hospital appointment, the female doctor entered the consulting room where we were both sat, agreed we were both wearing surgical masks…but no matter. Stood between us the gynaecologist asked,’which of you is Karen?’ That is a moment don’t you think? I can never be that other person again. I’d so like to hear others ‘special moment.’I am not sure I have the right to comment in this post. But I think I know what you mean Alex. I have not yet had the kind if experience you had at the gynocologist’s office. Mine is private.
I have struggled for so long, fighting against the intense incessant desire to be at first a little girl, then a pre-teen, teen, and young college age woman, up to the point now where I would have to be considered a senior woman. It has been a life long battle usually with me arguing from the very objective evidence that my body was distinctly male. “I mean look at me I am a male, a man. Right!?”
Yes, but not yes.
The battle ceased when that moment arrived in my mind where I am embraced my truth. I am a male in body; in heart I am a woman.
I am a woman, I am a woman, I am a woman, I AM a woman!
How satisfying it was to finally break through, discover and embrace that about myself.
That was such a calming but exhilarating moment. I can only imagine what it will be like when I know for the first time that others also finally and genuinely take me as a woman.
I am happy for you Alex. At this point I can only I shine how wonderful that must be. But in my imagine I can’t see it as anything but magical.
Blessings,
Charlene.
I dream of the day when I can go out into the world dressed as my true self. But, a few months ago, my wife and I were shoe shopping at the mall. We wore face masks as most people still do in stores where we live. I was wearing male clothing but my gestures are quite feminine. As we were leaving the store, the store clerk said, “Have a nice day ladies!”. My wife was quick to correct the clerk, but I was thrilled. It might have been a small moment but it meant so much to me.
🌈 MarciI recently went to a local watering hole with my life partner and a girl-friend dressed in a borrowed smart white dress, black hose, calf length zip up suede boots sporting 5 inch spiked heels, auburn short hair, some cleavage, and a smattering of powder and eye liner. No one recognized me as my partner proceeded to introduce me by my nom de Guerre. Some of those whom we knew did a second take and said … “wait… is that…??” which would be followed with a wide smile. I realize that it’s a Jedi Mind Trick of sorts, but it was wonderful and felt amazing.
I live in fla. with my very old folks to help them. My wife is in nc. She has been very accepting. My parents know nothing. I’ve got clothes hidden everywhere in my room. I bought a dresser. If they ever opened it their eyes would fall out. I keep my room door locked.
A lot of their friends in their golf community know me. So – when I want to wear my dresses, makeup, wedges, lace top socks, perfume and so on I have to drive across town and find a place to change in the car. It’s amazing I don’t look an absolute wreck when I’m done. 😂 But I manage to pull it all together. As an aside, I love having a good size pocketbook.
So early on, I went clothes shopping at JC Penny and the sales clerk, Linda was very nice. I really didn’t expect to pass in anyone’s eyes. I told her my name was Abby. We talked. She asked if I wanted a store card. I said yes. Of course she asked for my license and I wasn’t really thinking about it being his license. She looked at and then at me with confusion and asked if it was my husband’s. So I explained that I am a transgender woman. She thought that was just fine and said I looked lovely.
I doubly thanked her for saying so and I was so thrilled. I asked her where the bathroom was and she pointed me to the ladies room and told me to use it.
A few weeks later I went to a restaurant for dinner. Everybody called me ma’am. The hostess. I gave her my name, Abby. The girl who sat me, the manager who was just introducing herself, and my waitress. I was in heaven. I almost wanted to cry.
So, sometimes I pass.In thinking about this a bit further, there are other first time events. Not saying that everyone experiences them as it can be more situational than anything else.
Some of the ones that come to mind are:
- First compliment about your outfit
- First time an unknown woman starts to talk to you out of the blue like you are “one of the girls”
- From a USPS/FeDEx/UPS driver: “I have a package for Ms. DeeAnn Hopings. Is that you?”
- After informing medical staff of my preferred name (I have no intention to do a raft of legal changes), having them refer to me as such without hesitation or misgendering mistakes
I probably would not use the term Validation. I would characterize it as Recognition.
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