The unexpected bumps along the road!

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    • #83535

      I thought I had this figured out along time ago. Then something happens to change my whole perspective on my sexuality. When I first started to transition I placed an ad declaring hi I am Traci, just started transitioning and looking for friends, especially other transgender people to talk with. I recieved 40 or more replies, mostly all men and everyone of them was about sex. That was not my purpose in the ad at all and I deleted each of them. Then comes Steve, a married man that says hi and he just wants to be friends and share my transition as it progresses, he said lets just get to know each other and share our day to day lives. No mention of sex, no requests for pictures just lets get to know one another. That was 8 months ago, we have kept our friendship since that day, emailing each other once or twice a week over the last 8 months. I tell him about my days and life, the small victories and the setbacks, he always complements my ups and tells me the setbacks are just temporary and I am becoming more Traci, the woman everyday. Its wonderful to hear his support, we have talked about one day we may meet and have a drink, me as Traci Lynn and his dear friend. Of course we have done some flirting as that comes with any friendship but nothing sexual really. Boring I know, but the truth is I have never been attracted to men in that way. In the beginning I assumed he would get bored and the conversations would lessen and ultimately end. But 8 months and still we write each week at least once. No, there is a real friendship between us and now I am confused. I could love a man like this, commit to an actual relationship with someone like him. Oh dont get me wrong, I would never jeopardize my friendship or his marriage. But I had always thought my ideal mate would be a woman or a woman like me. Now all I think of is the possibilities of a man like Steve. Is this normal? I truely hope someone here can give me their thoughts on my confusion.

      Traci Lynn

      • This topic was modified 3 years ago by Jasmine. Reason: moved to poll forum
    • #83603


      I don’t know enough to give “expert” advice, but would you mind an “older person’s” view? Your question of “Is this a normal reaction?” is referring to when we transition does sexuality change? I think we all walk in the same direction, but down different paths. We all have different backgrounds and stories. What does your heart say?

      Is it normal? I think that there is no normal, but with the changes and issues we deal with comes a LOT of introspection and self realization. We all break from traditional gender roles when we careen down this trail. It only follows that there may be sexuality changes that take place as we go through the transition. It all comes down to what makes you happy. Really no need to pigeon hole yourself into any certain sexuality these days, right?

      Just my opinions. Truly, sexuality shouldn’t even come into it. If you hit it off, you hit it off, right? As always, just be cautious. Okay, darlin?





    • #83613

      Thank you, in truth my sexuality has not really changed its my perspective about men. I have been bi/pan sexual for over 25 years. I have just never considered relationships with men in all that time. The recent events of my friendship have just changed my perspective and its a little confusing to me.

    • #85402

      I’m not so sure about one’s sexuality changing.  In my case, I knew I was different back when I was 11 yo.  But growing up in those days, society was much more intolerant of “differences”…that coupled with an abusive childhood, led me to follow a path that wasn’t true to me.  Sure, I got married and had sex, but was that more of a biological drive b/c of the testosterone coursing through my body.  So many years later, I long to have GRS and be with and make love to a man.  I have no sexual interest in women whatsoever.  Follow you heart, be true to yourself, proceed with caution, enjoy your journey.

    • #85736

      I have heard of people’s sexuality changing during therapy.


      But in my case, I never really tried anything to begin with. I’m early in the transition process, just starting one-on-one therapy. I’m pretty sure I’m demi, but I’ve never explored my sexuality, so it should be interesting to see where I stand…

    • #86124

      Hi all , i voted maybe . I wanted to vote no at first , but then i thought , how i feel since transitioning to my female thoughts and how i present myself . I came out to my self about 4 yrs ago , and i started thinking about my sexuality ,  i declared myself bi , why ? , because i started having thoughts about sex as a female to a male . I went on face book and made some pics of myself dressed as Leslie and started getting some nice comments by men , this made me feel more lady like , i have since made some my penpals and i enjoy being accepted as the female side of this situation , i like this feeling of being the submissive one in the relationship . I then asked myself if i ever meet one of these men out how far am i willing to go , will i give in to him all the way , how will i feel afterward , will having sex with a man change me for good , so many thoughts . I guess i will not know till it happens , then maybe i will come back and change my vote . Even my admitting there is a chance is my final admission to myself , is it not .  I’am an older woman , and i would like to have a love interest again , i am not looking for just a man or a woman , i am looking for a caring  honest relationship and yes i hope intimate . Leslie is the dominate one now inside me so we shall see how she chooses . I am Leslie i am woman , here me purr.

    • #86919

      I admit that I don’t know what the research says on this topic.

      Before I transitioned, I tried to date girls and then women. However, when I was presenting as a woman, I was really only interested in men.

      The armchair psychologist might say that I was using a female persona to deal with internalized homophobia. Or something like that.

      But that’s not true. My fantasies had never been about gay male relationships/sex;  they had always been about straight relationships/sex. It’s just that I had always been the woman in those fantasies. In other words, transitioning allowed me to have an authentic dating and sex life.


    • #88643
      Selene W.

      It’s a complex area.  In hindsight, I feel my pursuit of women in my 20’s was more a desire to be close to a woman as it was as close as I could get to being a woman.

      In my teen and early 20’s I was”gay”, although in hindsight, I believe this to be the straight woman in me.

      Now, after 20 years of marriage to my wife, with the repressed memories in the stark light of day and being on HRT, feeling more physically feminine every day, and allowing myself to relax mentally into being the woman inside, allowing her to exist and breathe and be free a little more each morning, I find this process of relaxing into myself enables me to accept that I would be happier with a man who wants me as the woman I am becoming.

      Although…  Who knows if I will ever get a chance.  This in itself makes me feel more feminine as I now want to be the object of a man’s desire and that means: exercise, diet, nice clothes and all those other things, some pleasurable (like clothes and cosmetics) others a pain in the behind (diet and exercise).  However, I am focused on getting as close to the body I want for myself, and as that progresses and my confidence grows…  Who knows what the future holds.  But yes, I think I was always a straight woman, but the years of psychological rubble from acting as a man, from confusion, repressed memories, fear and all the rest of the baggage just stopped me from knowing myself properly.

      When I start to get unsolicited dick pics (unwanted though they may be) I will absolutely start smiling to myself about how far I have come.

    • #88670

      So yesterday was a wonderful day for me. I got my test results back. Perfect health. No bumps in that road. I picked up my first injection testosterone same day. On Tuesday the 15th, I take it to my doctor she will give me my first injection and for the first little while, until, I am comfortable to do it my self. That wont take long needles don’t bother me, I have experiences give shots to diabetics when I worked in the home health care. Time will tell, how this will effect me and those around me. I’m sure there will be more bumps in the road to over come.  I believe I can overcome any obstacle that comes my way. Looking at my life the way Sophie has inspired me though her words of wisdom, thinking positive and changing my mind set in the mornings to a positive frame of thought helps me though each day.

      Thank You Sophie

    • #90631
      DeeAnn Hopings

      I believe, as many others do, that human sexuality is innate. In other words, it doesn’t change, which is why conversion therapy doesn’t work.

      However, what I do think is as we go through the process of understanding our gender identity, some facets of our lives that have been suppressed may be revealed. Like this:

      When you clear the clouds, you can see the next mountain. From that mountain, you can see the next, etc.

      There is also the notion that being attracted specifically to one person does not necessarily that you would be attracted to others. This could be the case if you are not attracted to anyone else…

    • #90666

      Relatively new to this group and so I just saw this post while searching around. I am an older transwoman but with a puberty level of estrogen in me I still think I am young.

      I have always been attracted to women during intimacy. But during intimacy I have always projected myself into the female role. Only once did a girl I was with sense my female desire and place herself between my legs. And I loved it and even though it was 40 years ago I still remember every moment of it.

      I have made out with one trans girl and what I learned during the process was that I only wanted to be with a female; that a sense of self was about the heart and soul and not the outer covering. Which makes since, as I always saw myself as female and not male. I still dream of having someone between my legs and treating me as completely female but then there are aids to allow girls to do that. I have only seen several guys that made me wonder, but for me to be attracted to them they must be cute, hairless except on their head, sweet and kind, soft and caring.  So in other words a girl.  It did take me 10 months into HRT to make a final decision on this though.

    • #99527


      What is ‘Normal’… ???

      ‘Normal’ is what you decide to make of life. If you are enjoying a relationship with another GB, who’s to say any different?

      We are all human beings… we are all (well… most) capable of love. Where does it say that a GB can only have a relationship with a GG???

      Do what makes you happy… life is way to short to miss out on special opportunities


      Gen ❤

    • #99538

      To be completely honest, I am not sure I have ever witnessed normal in it’s natural environment so I consider it a mythical creature we read about. So at 46 I am questioning my sexuality. I guess I was too busy perfecting passing as a man and living a stereotypical male life that I forgot the true me. I have always considered myself attracted to women. I have known of this attraction since I was young and it went hand in hand with my ultimate dreams of manhood. Just recently I have taken a look at myself, my true self and what makes people sexually attractive to me.

      I think the question of sexuality and preference is something that is explored when each of us is ready to do so. I am just enjoying the ride others call life.

    • #100869

      I wondered if getting on HRT would shift my pattern of attraction, but going on 3 years in, so far no.

      As a guy, I was always profoundly attracted to women, I often thought of myself as a Lesbian trapped in a man’s body.

      Coming out felt like a confirmation, I am a Lesbian, it was the “man’s body” piece that was incidental.

      I have refined my self description though to call myself “Sapphic”, by which I mean I’m attracted to femme presentation (soft, smooth, tits and “clits”). I’m pretty agnostic about crotch plumbing configuration, by which I mean I include pre-/non-op trans gals in my attraction pool.

      • #118009

        Yes Stefanya…know what you mean, I thought that too! However I didn’t know about transwomen…yes very attracted to pre-op now as well. And slowly gay men too. Only cismen left haha…we will see.

    • #116337

      Oh my gosh, this girl has a Steve too! We have been seeing each other since last Thanksgiving, and he has helped or made me rethink everything I thought I knew about my sexuality. He is not an old friend that new me as a male, he has never seen me in drab, and from the first time we met he has always treated me like a lady, a woman, someone that he thinks looks beautiful, sexy, femme…and he always tells me how pretty and sexy he thinks I look. He is a wonderful, skilled lover that knows how to take me places mentally and physically that I have never been before, and the mental transformation is quite amazing. I could very easily see myself in a long-term relationship with a man like him.


      • This reply was modified 2 years ago by Haley Ann.
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