want to transition but cant

  • Creator
    Topic
  • #92413
    Amy
    Participant

    Hi, my name is Amy I am new to this group just trying to make friends with others like myself. I have been a cross dresser for quite a few years now (in secret)  but married with 2 children. I have known for a long time that I want to be a woman but as with most of us i have kept it hidden from the ones I love for obvious reasons of not wanting to lose my family. I would love more than anything to tell them and transition but I know its not possible. My wife knows that I have at least been wearing womens underwear but told me not to and I think she just blocked it out.

    2 users thanked author for this post.
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    Replies
    • #92507

      Welcome, Amy.  Thanks for sharing your story.  I hope you find the help you are seeking here.

      1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #92506

      I am new to the forum and in the same position.  I cannot transition even though I would love to if I were much younger.  I may try to get on antiandrogen only to see if my dysphoria can be reduced.

      1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #92469
      DeeAnn Hopings
      AMBASSADOR

      Amy:

      Many have found themselves in this very difficult position. Damned if you Do; Damned if you Don’t. There is no set response for this as every case is different. The reactions range from total acceptance to divorce and I’ve never heard of any way to predict the outcome.

      I have no idea what the most appropriate outcome is for your situation, as there are many variables, but I wish you well on your journey…

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #92424

      Hi

      It’s amazing that so many of us, I’m mtf, are ashamed of what/who we really are. No matter where in the world we live. I’ve been in the closet for a lot of years, because I was ashamed and denied my feelings. And I have actually known all my life I’m trans but denied it to myself. But this autumn I decided to come out to my siblings, my son and my closest coworkers. When I told my sister she just said “I’ve been knowing it for the last 30 years. My son, age 23, said “dad i’m proud of you for coming out”. My coworkes, all girls, said “I’m not surprised”. The girls had been talking about me some time ago, and one wondered if I was gay, since they said I acted so feminine, and they weren’t all that wrong. And that was it. Now everything has gotten back to normal, as if nothing has happened. So what I have feared to do for so long, it turned out that they already did know/felt that  I was trans. Sometimes I wonder if I was the last person to accept I was trans

      Hugs
      Lily-Rose

      5 users thanked author for this post.
    • #92417

      Hello Amy and welcome to Transgender Heaven!

      I am new here myself. Been here for about a month now. I think I kinda know how you feel. I want to transition with hrt and maybe even get surgery (though insurance won’t cover it here in the USA) but I am scared to because I am worried about what some of my family will think, especially my dad and a brother of mine whom I stay with. I do have a couple of aunts who are super supportive of this but they live in another state apart from where I stay.

      I still want to but another barrier is getting scheduled somewhere that will take my insurance. I think I found a place but they were all booked up because of the past holidays and the pandemic situation. So I’m going to call them tomorrow and see where they’re at now. Even when I get the letter for hrt and everything, not sure I will be able to find an endocrinologist in my area that’s comfortable treating me with testosterone because of my current medical history.

      I did find one in the past and I had a letter but I destroyed it out of shame and embarrassment of being trans (internalized transphobia). So this time I hope things will work in my favor and yours too! I don’t have any children and I am not married. So in that way, I think I will have less pressure than you do for transitioning. I would have went through it a few years ago because I did find an endocrinologist willing to treat me after struggling much to find one, but backed out of it due to giving in to a very strict religion I stopped following last month. For the first time in so long, I feel like I can breathe again!🙂 I have a suggestion for you: you could schedule an appointment with a gender therapist and take your wife (and kids too if that’s something you think would help them understand what you’re going through) with you to your first appointment at least.

      That way they can get a better understanding of what it means to be transgender because from the sound of it, like many cis gender people, your wife seems to be uneducated on it as my dad was and still is. Not to sound discouraging but I had my dad go to a gender therapist appointment with me and he was not happy about what he heard there. Fast forward to the present, like your wife, him and my brother had totally blocked it all out. It’s really sad that a lot of us can’t even count on our own family for the support everybody needs. I think if your wife and kids really love and care about you, they will actually try to learn as much as they can about what you’re going through and help you as much as they can! Though you can’t really expect some children to understand these things, especially if you have a spouse who is against it in the first place and may easily influence them on the matter.

      Phoenix

      3 users thanked author for this post.
      • #92422
        Amy
        FREE

        it is soo hard right now, especially with a lockdown in the uk. I love my wife and children so much and feel like im lying to them. my wife knew about the underwear but thought id stopped,  although till recently when she found some knickers attatched to my trouser leg that she doesnt know that i seen her notice. but I do feel like if I told her I wanted to be her wife not her husband it would just be over.

    • #92415

      Hi i am ftm i know what you are going through cause im a mom my self soon to be dad its hard trust me but you got to be honest and talk about it thats what i did i was ftm for many years in secret but i finally got tired of being someone i was not i told my kids and there father my kids supportive but my soon not so but i lose some people and gained along my journey for finding my self and would that change who i am no you got to proud of who you are ik you dont want to lose love ones in the process but sometimes hidding who you are does i lied to myself for 27 years of my life and it put mental strain on me so being open about it talking about it is good thing

      1 user thanked author for this post.
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