Well this is confusing…

Do you have any personal experience with gender dysphoria or being transgender?

Are you personally effected by this and if so would you please comment bellow and start a conversation with me?

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  • Yes
  • No
  • It's a bit more complicated than that

This topic contains 22 replies, has 14 voices, and was last updated by  David Pfeiffer 2 weeks ago.

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  • #27230

    Xelyn Craft
    Participant

    I don’t even know how to go about doing this. I don’t even know how to identify myself, so I guess I’ll just give it my best shot and hope it doesn’t offend anyone.

    I was born Female and currently still hold the physical features of a female, however, since a very, very young age, I have felt that I identify far more with the male population. Now that I am an adult, it’s affecting my life in negative ways and making it hard to function knowing that I’m male, but everyone around me rejects this and tells me I’m female. I came here in hopes of getting more information on the subject of gender dysphoria and how to handle it. I would like to make a more educated decision on what to do with my body to make it match more closely with my mind. If I could get information and experience from other people going through similar things, I believe it would help me greatly. I’m reaching out here in hopes that some of you can help me, and perhaps I can even help some of you.

    Please feel free to reply to this, I am looking for as much interaction with people like me as I can possibly get.

     

    Xelyn

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  • #33686
     Davida Mae 
    Participant

    FREE

    WOW you really hit a note with this one! Whew you got a great deal of responses so I’m torn whether to add my two cents but then… I’m kinda of a chatty🍒 As I read your post I couldn’t help but think we were the same but on the different sides of the same coin. FTM & MTF I undoubtably was born male but I have a desire to present female even if it’s only part time-some time. I spend more time practicing my feminine voice, mannerisms and movements far more then my actual feminine dressing. The idea being… feminine women have a way of appearing feminine regardless what they are wearing. Macho Men appear masculine not because of an abundant display of muscle but in posture and positioning. Hair style may seem or even be the first indicator but how you hold yourself will give that signal from a greater distance then even hair. Something I try to keep in mind is the difference in our natural bodies. Females movements generate from their hips while males generate their movements from their shoulders. Men take up space while women conserve space. Watch how men sit, legs and feet wide taking up personal space. Women tend to keep their legs either close or crossed. As a MTF Crossdressing Closet Girl I hope to present as the feminine Girl next door not a guy in a dress💋

    2 users thanked author for this post.
  • #33682
     Meran Berwyck 
    Participant

    When I was growing up, I was teased for being ‘girly’, not in evident case, more for my personality.  People thought I wasn’t good at sports because I was too ‘girly.  Actually it was because I wasn’t taught the rules of the particular game.  I still don’t know all the football rules!  As I grew up, I always heard my mom tell people she wished I had been a girl.  I felt confused and even ashamed.  I have two older sisters and six brothers!  The younger of my two sisters was my idol.  She was pretty and she often won local beauty pageants.  I loved the attention she was getting, I wanted to be pretty too!  But…in those days, being a crossdresser was like being evicted not only from family but from society in whole!  So in secret I was trying on my sister’s clothing and lingerie.  I loved how good it felt and how good I looked in it.  But that didn’t last long.  I went years without any opportunity to dress up, even privately.  I longed for it.  It pulled at me constantly.  I tried to do things to get those thoughts out of my head, but the urge only grew stronger.  I got married, divorced, then married a 2nd time.  In my 2nd marriage, I confessed to my wife that I needed to dress as a female and that I had been doing it many years.  In my surprise, she accepted it, but only as a private, at home fetish.  After 14 years of marriage, just mere crossdressing wasn’t enough.  I wanted to live it full time.  Divorce again!  Although I wanted to go full time, jobs and social roadblocks prevented it.  I just went back to looking ‘girly’ no matter what people might say about it.  I’m still having problems, but hope to change that soon.

  • #30417
     Marianne Tornander 
    Ambassador

    AMBASSADOR - EDITOR

    Dear Xelyn,

    Though wanting the opposite for myself I sure understand the feelings and struggles you have are very much identical. I was born a boy but at a very young age I knew there was a girl inside me who wanted out. Yet being 20 years before the birth of the Internet and in a small community and sheltered environment I had no knowledge about gender issues or that transitioning was even possible. I think the unconditional love and support from my parents had much to do with the fact that I adapted quite well with a seemingly male life and never hated my body. In secret, though, I always felt female would have been the better option and around 12 years of age I started secretly wearing my mother’s skirts and dresses to explore my female side.

    Now, at 53, I have all the knowledge I wish I had back then, and I have long since understood that I am a woman in mind and soul. Yet I do not know if I can ever fully transition because of the impact it would have on my family and also because of health problems.

    All I can say to you is that I wish you Good Luck on your journey and i hope you will find a happy life as whoever you need to be.

    Ellen Marianne Tornander

    4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #35186
       Stephanie Kennedy 
      Participant

      GOLD

      Hi Marianne. My story is similar . I too regret not accepting my self earlier in life. Maybe if places like this were available I would have. I am just turning 65 I have spent a life time with denying I had a problem with my gender. I could not even be honest with my therapist when dealing with depression and anxiety about my gender. A total waste of time.I am not sure if she could of helped me if I told the truth but a least the truth would of been told. Now I am 65 years old. I finally accepted that I should of been born with a female body or a brain that matched my body one or the other. My denial cost me dearly. A opportunity to be truly happy. Acceptance is a wounderful thing. It answered so many questions. Like you I found myself in a situation that if I decided I wanted to go that place of happiness. The impact would be devastating to a family that through no fault of their own are very vunerable. I have custody of my 3 grandchildren they had to deal with both their  parents walking away. I chose to step in and care for them now I am a parent again. I will not walk away so that can I can finally be happy. I believe it would be very selfish of me. Luv Stephanie

      2 users thanked author for this post.
      • #35939
         David Pfeiffer 
        Participant

        FREE

        Well, Miss Kennedy, a pleasure and a great relief to find someone here that is in my age bracket. I just keep telling myself “better late than never” and find myself approaching this whole life change with all the confusion and yo-yoing thought processes of….a confused and bewildered WOMAN. My sub-conscious is apparently “putting the cart before the horse”, but I figure that horse can push that cart as easy as he can pull it. As to age, I’m 62, and if you happen to think of any gold-plated tips or warnings that would apply to persons in our age bracket specifically, you would be an angel to relate them. I’m going to keep notebooks of everything, and when I’m done will share them. Off to google school for me. You please do have a wonderful day.

  • #30353
     Jan 
    Participant

    BRONZE

    Hello Xelyn,

    I have also known since I was 6 years old that I felt like a boy (born ambiguous, surgeon&parents chose male) and wanted to be a boy….I also wanted to be “normal”… I struggled with that for years, and got some relief from being involved in sports. I remained in the closet for my teenage years, and early 2os. Then while in college, followed through on my attraction for women, fem women. And I didn’t fit in well with the lesbian community. I appeared very butch, and trying to “fem it up” was not very successful, but I did do that for work….I went through periods of deep depression, did some research, but never could find a path for me…(70s,80s and 90s).

    To jump to the present, I am now 66 years old and started my transition 2 years ago. I have not taken testosterone, and probably will not, but it does seem that is a first step for younger folks. Luckily, I had to have a hysteretomy at age 39. I wished for a medical reason to have my breasts removed, and would have welcomed cancer (drastic, I know).

    I had top surgery last year, and now pass as neutral as I continue to work in the same setting where my co-workers know, but it is a small southern town where real danger lurks if I am not careful.

    My parents have passed, and I never approached this subject with them. My younger brother does now know, but will not discuss it. So I have no family connections at present, and that’s ok.

    I am glad to see another FTM on this site…I read many articles and they are all helpful, and I don’t write much. I log on about once a week.

    My suggestion is to find a good therapist and work from there. I so wish that I had done that earlier in my life, and made my transition earlier in my life.

    3 users thanked author for this post.
  • #28069
     Xelyn Craft 
    Participant

    BRONZE

    Hi Xelyn, I will never understand why anyone would want to change a beautiful female body into a male body while I have spent over 60 years hoping that I could do the opposite.

    I will however offer my full support for you to do whatever you need to, to align your external self with your gender identity and not wait anywhere near as long as I did.

    At 66 years old, I am only 18 months into doing what I should have done over 50 years ago.

    I do strongly recommend that you plan your own future path while all your options are still open.

    You will need professional guidance for this.

    I wish you the best outcome for you.

    Hugs

    Sheryl

    Heh, I can understand your point of view. There is a reason female’s are called the fairer sex. However, it’s less about beauty for me and more about…. well, changing other people’s expectations of me. People treat you different when you are female, and although there are good things, there are things that don’t fit right with how I feel I should be treated. I don’t like being treated like a fragile, innocent, “less than”, that needs to be protected. I don’t like being treated like my only worth is in how many babies I can push out and how well I can cook (which I can’t do well at all, by the way, haha). I am aware that part of this is only how I’m treated because I live in a rural area with old fashioned conservative values being the predominant lifestyle of the people I’m surrounded by. But having moved around a lot when I was younger, I’ve found that even in the more open minded areas, there will always be those people, and unfortunately, no matter where I go, I will always have family that think like this as well. My own father, who promised to support me even if I transition into a male, blatantly stated that “no matter what, you will always be my little girl” which I found both heart warming and terribly, terribly heart breaking. I suppose what it boils down to is that, being female isn’t for everyone, just as being male isn’t for everyone either. It all comes down to personal preference. Which might be an odd thing when it comes down to gender… not sure. But if so many people feel like they want to be the opposite gender they were born with, it must not be all that odd.

    Thank you so much for your support. I hope your personal transition is going well and that you are happy with who you are, both inside and out. I agree with your advice to do something about it early on. Honestly, I’ve waited too long in starting this journey already, however, I don’t want to rush too much. It’s a big step, and I want to take it a little bit at a time to make sure it’s what I really want and that it goes the way I want it to, or at least a way that doesn’t end up being completely catastrophic for me. I’m already seeing a counselor, but we’ve just barely scratched the surface so far. Hopefully we can speed things up a bit though.

    Thank you again.

    7 users thanked author for this post.
  • #28066
     Xelyn Craft 
    Participant

    BRONZE

    Hey Tiana,

    I am a mother of FTM son Peytin. He is diagnosed with gender dysphoria, anxiety, mood disorders and insomnia. We seen a therapist for the first time 2 years ago and she diagnosed Pey with gender dysphoria. Along the journey and many medical professionals, he got the rest of his diagnosis. It’s a very long journey but a beautiful one to finally be who you are comfortable to be and love. Pey finally loves himself after many months of intensive mental therapy. This therapy was to help his anxiety and suicidal ideation from coming out to friends and family who turned their backs on him. I always tell him those who matter care and those that dont care, dont matter! Keep this in mind when you do decide what you are comfortable with. If you would like to speak to a mother who doesn’t know it all but has been through a lot with my son, I would love to chat. My son is the love of my life and I am in full support of his life decisions no matter what.

    Was Peytin born male or is/has he transitioning/transitioned into a male? Just my own curiosity, no need to answer if you don’t want to.

    May I just say that you are a wonderful parent and it means the world to me, a complete stranger, that you love and support your child through such a difficult thing. I mean that from the deepest part of my heart. Not everyone is so lucky to have good parents that will stick with their child and their decisions, agreeing with them or not. I am one of the lucky few that have good parents, much like your son. So thank you very much for offering your friendship and the opportunity to talk.

    2 users thanked author for this post.
  • #28064
     Xelyn Craft 
    Participant

    BRONZE

    Kind of always felt the duel spirit,native Americans speak of. the wrong body for my spirit, that was always my feeling from a very young age.

    felt at times i needed to abandon this body,but had to find another path than doing self harm,came close a few times,but here i am now better than ever,having crossed the great divide into my place of peace.

    You seem to have a strong spiritual way of looking at your gender identity. I think it’s cool that you can align those things. I, on the other hand, am struggling with aligning my spiritual beliefs with my psychological needs. I hope to achieve what you have in my own unique way and I will continue working towards that.

    2 users thanked author for this post.
  • #28062
     Xelyn Craft 
    Participant

    BRONZE

    Hi Tiana. I aspect of dysphoria is enviromental impact and up-bringing. On the farm with being with a number of brothers, and another sister….. clothing was hand me down and Dad treated us like all the boys…work wise. Being a tomboy (trained by my brothers) didn’t help. Eventually I became a girl too much to the chagrin of my family. Go to a councilor or Psychologist….they can sort things out for you.

    Veronica

    I am seeing a councilor already, I actually made this account while sitting in his office and using his computer. He’s the one that told me to try turning to the internet to find other’s with similar experiences on this subject.
    I know environmental factors and upbringing played a significant part in my dysphoria. I actually know exactly when I started feeling this way and what specific event caused me to start thinking this way. However, contrary to popular belief, knowing is not half the battle. I still don’t know how to change this feeling or get rid of it. Though, if I’m going to be honest with myself, I don’t want to. I’d much rather find a way to fulfill this need to be male than try to stop wanting it.

    1 user thanked author for this post.
  • #28058
     Anonymous

    Outside(cis) people have a hard time understanding gender variance,think of how hard it was for you to come to terms with it,and you(us) were embedded inside the mix of searching for the truth of our existence,and just how to move on down the yellow brick road you(we) found ourselves on,looking for our own private wizard   to make us whole. well kids, good luck in finding your truth.

    1 user thanked author for this post.
  • #28056
     Xelyn Craft 
    Participant

    BRONZE

    ever since I was a kid I all ways felt like a guy, but IDK sometimes I don’t mind being a female. even though I identify as a male. I’m feeling unconfutable so by now.

    Am I right in understanding that you are currently a female that wishes to be male? If so, we have that in common, and I know how you feel. Have you told anyone yet about your feelings? A counselor? Family? Friends?

  • #28054
     Xelyn Craft 
    Participant

    BRONZE

    I would guess it’s more complicated then confusing. I do not believe that there is one answer that fits all. I think that you are doing the right thing in gathering information. As long as I can remember I have had the desire to be a woman. I have periods that last for many months without my gender crossing my mind and I have periods where I can’t stop thinking about it. I live as a male with two wardrobes, I can pass about 80% of the time during the day and 99% of the time at night.

    I would suggest that you decide what would make you happy, life is too short not to be happy. Unfortunately, especially with gender dysphoria, your decisions may lead to losing people you love. For me, I could never have told my parents, but after 20 years of marriage I did tell my wife (after a long road she understood).

    Best of luck

    True, I’ve never believed in the “One Size Fits All” theory either. I think the most confusing part is all the misinformation out there and the fact that I’ve been suppressing myself for so long that I don’t really know who I truly am. I have only just begun to explore that. I’ve been hiding behind trying to live up to expectations for too long.

    I too have sort of cyclical periods of feeling alright with my birth gender and strongly feeling that I don’t fit in my own skin. The thing that sticks with me the most is the feeling that when I’m alright with being female, I’m just content, but not happy. However, when I have dreams at night of being male, it’s like I feel happiness that I’ve never been able to achieve in my real day to day life. It’s very frustrating to wake up from those rare moments.

    I’m currently trying to figure out what would make me most happy. Trying to find the time to do research is difficult but I am doing my best to gather information on transitioning and all the different options that are there before making any definitive decisions. It’s such a big choice to make, I don’t want to rush in without a solid education on what I’m doing.

    I know that losing people is a real possibility, however, I am extremely blessed with the family I have. At least with my nuclear family, I have already discussed my gender dysphoria and the possibility of me transitioning in the future. Even though they do not necessarily agree with it, they have assured me that they will love and support me no matter what I do. They may not like the decision I make, but I will always be welcome in their home and an important part of their family and they will support me through it all. I know I won’t be as lucky with all of my extended family, some, perhaps, but not all. As for friends… I only have very few of those, I’ve always struggled with making friends, and I don’t know for sure what their reactions will be. I suppose I’ll have to accept whatever happens and realize that the friends who stick with me are worth having and those that reject me were never true friends to begin with.

    Thank you so much for sharing your experience with me. I wish you the best of luck with it and look up to you for the courage you showed in confiding in your wife. I know it’s not easy to tell the one’s you love something so important to you that leaves you so vulnerable. It took me more than twenty years of struggling internally before I was able to finally reach out to my parents. You have my respect.

    1 user thanked author for this post.
  • #28020
     Xelyn Craft 
    Participant

    BRONZE

    Sorry it’s taking me so long to get back to everyone, I do plan on replying to all of you but I have limited internet access at the moment and can only do so much at a time. Thanks for being so understanding and patient with me. It means a lot.

    3 users thanked author for this post.
  • #27817
     Sheryl Johnstone 
    Participant

    FREE

    Hi Xelyn, I will never understand why anyone would want to change a beautiful female body into a male body while I have spent over 60 years hoping that I could do the opposite.
    I will however offer my full support for you to do whatever you need to, to align your external self with your gender identity and not wait anywhere near as long as I did.

    At 66 years old, I am only 18 months into doing what I should have done over 50 years ago.

    I do strongly recommend that you plan your own future path while all your options are still open.

    You will need professional guidance for this.

    I wish you the best outcome for you.

    Hugs

    Sheryl

    4 users thanked author for this post.
  • #27582
     Christy Eral 
    Participant

    BRONZE

    Hey Tiana,

    I am a mother of FTM son Peytin. He is diagnosed with gender dysphoria, anxiety, mood disorders and insomnia.  We seen a therapist for the first time 2 years ago and she diagnosed Pey with gender dysphoria.  Along the journey and many medical professionals, he got the rest of his diagnosis.  It’s a very long journey but a beautiful one to finally be who you are comfortable to be and love. Pey finally loves himself after many months of intensive mental therapy. This therapy was to help his anxiety and suicidal ideation from coming out to friends and family who turned their backs on him. I always tell him those who matter care and those that dont care, dont matter! Keep this in mind when you do decide what you are comfortable with. If you would like to speak to a mother who doesn’t know it all but has been through a lot with my son, I would love to chat. My son is the love of my life and I am in full support of his life decisions no matter what.

    3 users thanked author for this post.
  • #27485
     Anonymous

    Kind of always felt the duel spirit,native Americans speak of. the wrong body for my spirit, that was always my feeling from a very young age.

    felt at times i needed to abandon this body,but had to find another path than doing self harm,came close a few times,but here i am now better than ever,having crossed the great divide into my place of peace.

    2 users thanked author for this post.
  • #27460
     Dame Veronica Graunwolf 
    Participant

    Hi Tiana. I aspect of dysphoria is enviromental impact and up-bringing. On the farm with being with a number of brothers, and another sister….. clothing was hand me down and Dad treated us like all the boys…work wise. Being a tomboy (trained by my brothers) didn’t help. Eventually  I became a girl too much to the chagrin of my family. Go to a councilor or Psychologist….they can sort things out for you.

    Veronica

    Dame Veronica Graunwolf

    2 users thanked author for this post.
  • #27352
     Skyler Anne 
    Participant

    FREE

    Hey Xelyn. I totally get what you mean. I’ve had an extreme dysphoria my whole life. It’s been the driving force behind a lot of my depression and anxiety. I would strongly suggest therapy. Finding a therapist was the best first step I could have taken. If you want to chat more about this , feel free to shoot me a message.

    2 users thanked author for this post.
  • #27326
     Killgrather Commander 
    Participant

    FREE

    ever since I was a kid I all ways felt like a guy, but IDK sometimes I don’t mind being a female. even though I identify as a male. I’m feeling unconfutable so by now.

    2 users thanked author for this post.
  • #27311
     Stephanie Phillips 
    Participant

    FREE

    I would guess it’s more complicated then confusing.  I do not believe that there is one answer that fits all.  I think that you are doing the right thing in gathering information.  As long as I can remember I have had the desire to be a woman.  I have periods that last for many months without my gender crossing my mind and I have periods where I can’t stop thinking about it.  I live as a male with two wardrobes, I can pass about 80% of the time during the day and 99% of the time at night.

    I would suggest that you decide what would make you happy, life is too short not to be happy.  Unfortunately, especially with gender dysphoria, your decisions may lead to losing people you love.  For me, I could never have told my parents, but after 20 years of marriage I did tell my wife (after a long road she understood).

    Best of luck

    6 users thanked author for this post.
    • #35187
       Stephanie Kennedy 
      Participant

      GOLD

      Hi Stephanie you have said it all. I now understand it is up to me how to handle it there is no fairy god mother coming to help me be the princess I should of been. That would be too easy Luv Stephanie

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