Well this is confusing…

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    • #27230
      Anonymous

      I don’t even know how to go about doing this. I don’t even know how to identify myself, so I guess I’ll just give it my best shot and hope it doesn’t offend anyone.

      I was born Female and currently still hold the physical features of a female, however, since a very, very young age, I have felt that I identify far more with the male population. Now that I am an adult, it’s affecting my life in negative ways and making it hard to function knowing that I’m male, but everyone around me rejects this and tells me I’m female. I came here in hopes of getting more information on the subject of gender dysphoria and how to handle it. I would like to make a more educated decision on what to do with my body to make it match more closely with my mind. If I could get information and experience from other people going through similar things, I believe it would help me greatly. I’m reaching out here in hopes that some of you can help me, and perhaps I can even help some of you.

      Please feel free to reply to this, I am looking for as much interaction with people like me as I can possibly get.

       

      Xelyn

    • #27311

      I would guess it’s more complicated then confusing.  I do not believe that there is one answer that fits all.  I think that you are doing the right thing in gathering information.  As long as I can remember I have had the desire to be a woman.  I have periods that last for many months without my gender crossing my mind and I have periods where I can’t stop thinking about it.  I live as a male with two wardrobes, I can pass about 80% of the time during the day and 99% of the time at night.

      I would suggest that you decide what would make you happy, life is too short not to be happy.  Unfortunately, especially with gender dysphoria, your decisions may lead to losing people you love.  For me, I could never have told my parents, but after 20 years of marriage I did tell my wife (after a long road she understood).

      Best of luck

      • #35187

        Hi Stephanie you have said it all. I now understand it is up to me how to handle it there is no fairy god mother coming to help me be the princess I should of been. That would be too easy Luv Stephanie

        • #93154

          HI, THERE EVERYBODY, THIS IS DAISY A BRAND NEW MEMBER OF TRANSGENDER HEAVEN AND I WOULD LIKE TO SAY THAT I TOTALLY AGREE WITH EVERYTTHING THAT I HAVE READ SO FAR IN YOUR BLOGS, ABOUT YOURSELVES. AND THAT I WOULD LOVE TO BE DATING ANYONE OF YOU LOVELY LADIES

          • #93155
            DeeAnn Hopings
            AMBASSADOR

            Daisy:

            As a new member, I encourage you to do an introductory post in the “Introductions and new members” forum and complete your Profile as best you can. Both help the other members get a sense of who you are and what is happening regarding your journey.

            If possible, I suggest that you not use all capitals as, in internet etiquette, it is often viewed as shouting…

    • #27326

      ever since I was a kid I all ways felt like a guy, but IDK sometimes I don’t mind being a female. even though I identify as a male. I’m feeling unconfutable so by now.

    • #27352

      Hey Xelyn. I totally get what you mean. I’ve had an extreme dysphoria my whole life. It’s been the driving force behind a lot of my depression and anxiety. I would strongly suggest therapy. Finding a therapist was the best first step I could have taken. If you want to chat more about this , feel free to shoot me a message.

    • #27460

      Hi Tiana. I aspect of dysphoria is enviromental impact and up-bringing. On the farm with being with a number of brothers, and another sister….. clothing was hand me down and Dad treated us like all the boys…work wise. Being a tomboy (trained by my brothers) didn’t help. Eventually  I became a girl too much to the chagrin of my family. Go to a councilor or Psychologist….they can sort things out for you.

      Veronica

    • #27485
      Anonymous

      Kind of always felt the duel spirit,native Americans speak of. the wrong body for my spirit, that was always my feeling from a very young age.

      felt at times i needed to abandon this body,but had to find another path than doing self harm,came close a few times,but here i am now better than ever,having crossed the great divide into my place of peace.

    • #27582
      Christy Eral
      BRONZE

      Hey Tiana,

      I am a mother of FTM son Peytin. He is diagnosed with gender dysphoria, anxiety, mood disorders and insomnia.  We seen a therapist for the first time 2 years ago and she diagnosed Pey with gender dysphoria.  Along the journey and many medical professionals, he got the rest of his diagnosis.  It’s a very long journey but a beautiful one to finally be who you are comfortable to be and love. Pey finally loves himself after many months of intensive mental therapy. This therapy was to help his anxiety and suicidal ideation from coming out to friends and family who turned their backs on him. I always tell him those who matter care and those that dont care, dont matter! Keep this in mind when you do decide what you are comfortable with. If you would like to speak to a mother who doesn’t know it all but has been through a lot with my son, I would love to chat. My son is the love of my life and I am in full support of his life decisions no matter what.

    • #27817

      Hi Xelyn, I will never understand why anyone would want to change a beautiful female body into a male body while I have spent over 60 years hoping that I could do the opposite.
      I will however offer my full support for you to do whatever you need to, to align your external self with your gender identity and not wait anywhere near as long as I did.

      At 66 years old, I am only 18 months into doing what I should have done over 50 years ago.

      I do strongly recommend that you plan your own future path while all your options are still open.

      You will need professional guidance for this.

      I wish you the best outcome for you.

      Hugs

      Sheryl

    • #28020
      Anonymous

      Sorry it’s taking me so long to get back to everyone, I do plan on replying to all of you but I have limited internet access at the moment and can only do so much at a time. Thanks for being so understanding and patient with me. It means a lot.

    • #28054
      Anonymous

      [quote quote=27311]I would guess it’s more complicated then confusing. I do not believe that there is one answer that fits all. I think that you are doing the right thing in gathering information. As long as I can remember I have had the desire to be a woman. I have periods that last for many months without my gender crossing my mind and I have periods where I can’t stop thinking about it. I live as a male with two wardrobes, I can pass about 80% of the time during the day and 99% of the time at night.

      I would suggest that you decide what would make you happy, life is too short not to be happy. Unfortunately, especially with gender dysphoria, your decisions may lead to losing people you love. For me, I could never have told my parents, but after 20 years of marriage I did tell my wife (after a long road she understood).

      Best of luck

      [/quote]

      True, I’ve never believed in the “One Size Fits All” theory either. I think the most confusing part is all the misinformation out there and the fact that I’ve been suppressing myself for so long that I don’t really know who I truly am. I have only just begun to explore that. I’ve been hiding behind trying to live up to expectations for too long.

      I too have sort of cyclical periods of feeling alright with my birth gender and strongly feeling that I don’t fit in my own skin. The thing that sticks with me the most is the feeling that when I’m alright with being female, I’m just content, but not happy. However, when I have dreams at night of being male, it’s like I feel happiness that I’ve never been able to achieve in my real day to day life. It’s very frustrating to wake up from those rare moments.

      I’m currently trying to figure out what would make me most happy. Trying to find the time to do research is difficult but I am doing my best to gather information on transitioning and all the different options that are there before making any definitive decisions. It’s such a big choice to make, I don’t want to rush in without a solid education on what I’m doing.

      I know that losing people is a real possibility, however, I am extremely blessed with the family I have. At least with my nuclear family, I have already discussed my gender dysphoria and the possibility of me transitioning in the future. Even though they do not necessarily agree with it, they have assured me that they will love and support me no matter what I do. They may not like the decision I make, but I will always be welcome in their home and an important part of their family and they will support me through it all. I know I won’t be as lucky with all of my extended family, some, perhaps, but not all. As for friends… I only have very few of those, I’ve always struggled with making friends, and I don’t know for sure what their reactions will be. I suppose I’ll have to accept whatever happens and realize that the friends who stick with me are worth having and those that reject me were never true friends to begin with.

      Thank you so much for sharing your experience with me. I wish you the best of luck with it and look up to you for the courage you showed in confiding in your wife. I know it’s not easy to tell the one’s you love something so important to you that leaves you so vulnerable. It took me more than twenty years of struggling internally before I was able to finally reach out to my parents. You have my respect.

    • #28056
      Anonymous

      [quote quote=27326]ever since I was a kid I all ways felt like a guy, but IDK sometimes I don’t mind being a female. even though I identify as a male. I’m feeling unconfutable so by now.

      [/quote]
      Am I right in understanding that you are currently a female that wishes to be male? If so, we have that in common, and I know how you feel. Have you told anyone yet about your feelings? A counselor? Family? Friends?

    • #28058
      Anonymous

      Outside(cis) people have a hard time understanding gender variance,think of how hard it was for you to come to terms with it,and you(us) were embedded inside the mix of searching for the truth of our existence,and just how to move on down the yellow brick road you(we) found ourselves on,looking for our own private wizard   to make us whole. well kids, good luck in finding your truth.

    • #28062
      Anonymous

      [quote quote=27460]Hi Tiana. I aspect of dysphoria is enviromental impact and up-bringing. On the farm with being with a number of brothers, and another sister….. clothing was hand me down and Dad treated us like all the boys…work wise. Being a tomboy (trained by my brothers) didn’t help. Eventually I became a girl too much to the chagrin of my family. Go to a councilor or Psychologist….they can sort things out for you.

      Veronica

      [/quote]
      I am seeing a councilor already, I actually made this account while sitting in his office and using his computer. He’s the one that told me to try turning to the internet to find other’s with similar experiences on this subject.
      I know environmental factors and upbringing played a significant part in my dysphoria. I actually know exactly when I started feeling this way and what specific event caused me to start thinking this way. However, contrary to popular belief, knowing is not half the battle. I still don’t know how to change this feeling or get rid of it. Though, if I’m going to be honest with myself, I don’t want to. I’d much rather find a way to fulfill this need to be male than try to stop wanting it.

    • #28064
      Anonymous

      [quote quote=27485]Kind of always felt the duel spirit,native Americans speak of. the wrong body for my spirit, that was always my feeling from a very young age.

      felt at times i needed to abandon this body,but had to find another path than doing self harm,came close a few times,but here i am now better than ever,having crossed the great divide into my place of peace.

      [/quote]
      You seem to have a strong spiritual way of looking at your gender identity. I think it’s cool that you can align those things. I, on the other hand, am struggling with aligning my spiritual beliefs with my psychological needs. I hope to achieve what you have in my own unique way and I will continue working towards that.

    • #28066
      Anonymous

      [quote quote=27582]Hey Tiana,

      I am a mother of FTM son Peytin. He is diagnosed with gender dysphoria, anxiety, mood disorders and insomnia. We seen a therapist for the first time 2 years ago and she diagnosed Pey with gender dysphoria. Along the journey and many medical professionals, he got the rest of his diagnosis. It’s a very long journey but a beautiful one to finally be who you are comfortable to be and love. Pey finally loves himself after many months of intensive mental therapy. This therapy was to help his anxiety and suicidal ideation from coming out to friends and family who turned their backs on him. I always tell him those who matter care and those that dont care, dont matter! Keep this in mind when you do decide what you are comfortable with. If you would like to speak to a mother who doesn’t know it all but has been through a lot with my son, I would love to chat. My son is the love of my life and I am in full support of his life decisions no matter what.

      [/quote]

      Was Peytin born male or is/has he transitioning/transitioned into a male? Just my own curiosity, no need to answer if you don’t want to.

      May I just say that you are a wonderful parent and it means the world to me, a complete stranger, that you love and support your child through such a difficult thing. I mean that from the deepest part of my heart. Not everyone is so lucky to have good parents that will stick with their child and their decisions, agreeing with them or not. I am one of the lucky few that have good parents, much like your son. So thank you very much for offering your friendship and the opportunity to talk.

    • #28069
      Anonymous

      [quote quote=27817]Hi Xelyn, I will never understand why anyone would want to change a beautiful female body into a male body while I have spent over 60 years hoping that I could do the opposite.

      I will however offer my full support for you to do whatever you need to, to align your external self with your gender identity and not wait anywhere near as long as I did.

      At 66 years old, I am only 18 months into doing what I should have done over 50 years ago.

      I do strongly recommend that you plan your own future path while all your options are still open.

      You will need professional guidance for this.

      I wish you the best outcome for you.

      Hugs

      Sheryl

      [/quote]
      Heh, I can understand your point of view. There is a reason female’s are called the fairer sex. However, it’s less about beauty for me and more about…. well, changing other people’s expectations of me. People treat you different when you are female, and although there are good things, there are things that don’t fit right with how I feel I should be treated. I don’t like being treated like a fragile, innocent, “less than”, that needs to be protected. I don’t like being treated like my only worth is in how many babies I can push out and how well I can cook (which I can’t do well at all, by the way, haha). I am aware that part of this is only how I’m treated because I live in a rural area with old fashioned conservative values being the predominant lifestyle of the people I’m surrounded by. But having moved around a lot when I was younger, I’ve found that even in the more open minded areas, there will always be those people, and unfortunately, no matter where I go, I will always have family that think like this as well. My own father, who promised to support me even if I transition into a male, blatantly stated that “no matter what, you will always be my little girl” which I found both heart warming and terribly, terribly heart breaking. I suppose what it boils down to is that, being female isn’t for everyone, just as being male isn’t for everyone either. It all comes down to personal preference. Which might be an odd thing when it comes down to gender… not sure. But if so many people feel like they want to be the opposite gender they were born with, it must not be all that odd.

      Thank you so much for your support. I hope your personal transition is going well and that you are happy with who you are, both inside and out. I agree with your advice to do something about it early on. Honestly, I’ve waited too long in starting this journey already, however, I don’t want to rush too much. It’s a big step, and I want to take it a little bit at a time to make sure it’s what I really want and that it goes the way I want it to, or at least a way that doesn’t end up being completely catastrophic for me. I’m already seeing a counselor, but we’ve just barely scratched the surface so far. Hopefully we can speed things up a bit though.

      Thank you again.

      • #124139

        “My own father, who promised to support me even if I transition into a male, blatantly stated that “no matter what, you will always be my little girl” which I found both heart warming and terribly, terribly heart breaking”

        Thanks for sharing… the above really hits home for me. My mom was closer to me than my male siblings and told me how much she appreciated that she could freely speak to the girl she always wanted.  We talked all the time. I wish I appreciated that more then, as my embrace of my trans self would have brought her joy, even if she couldn’t outwardly express that.  I know that because she also admitted that dressing me as a little girl on the beach as a toddler did bring her great joy.  She could see and embraced my feminine side in a way that others couldn’t.  My embrace of the female name she would have given me is a huge hug sent back to her through time.   Thank you

    • #30353
      mountainman
      BRONZE

      Hello Xelyn,

      I have also known since I was 6 years old that I felt like a boy (born ambiguous, surgeon&parents chose male) and wanted to be a boy….I also wanted to be “normal”… I struggled with that for years, and got some relief from being involved in sports. I remained in the closet for my teenage years, and early 2os. Then while in college, followed through on my attraction for women, fem women. And I didn’t fit in well with the lesbian community. I appeared very butch, and trying to “fem it up” was not very successful, but I did do that for work….I went through periods of deep depression, did some research, but never could find a path for me…(70s,80s and 90s).

      To jump to the present, I am now 66 years old and started my transition 2 years ago. I have not taken testosterone, and probably will not, but it does seem that is a first step for younger folks. Luckily, I had to have a hysteretomy at age 39. I wished for a medical reason to have my breasts removed, and would have welcomed cancer (drastic, I know).

      I had top surgery last year, and now pass as neutral as I continue to work in the same setting where my co-workers know, but it is a small southern town where real danger lurks if I am not careful.

      My parents have passed, and I never approached this subject with them. My younger brother does now know, but will not discuss it. So I have no family connections at present, and that’s ok.

      I am glad to see another FTM on this site…I read many articles and they are all helpful, and I don’t write much. I log on about once a week.

      My suggestion is to find a good therapist and work from there. I so wish that I had done that earlier in my life, and made my transition earlier in my life.

    • #30417
      Marianne
      AMBASSADOR

      Dear Xelyn,

      Though wanting the opposite for myself I sure understand the feelings and struggles you have are very much identical. I was born a boy but at a very young age I knew there was a girl inside me who wanted out. Yet being 20 years before the birth of the Internet and in a small community and sheltered environment I had no knowledge about gender issues or that transitioning was even possible. I think the unconditional love and support from my parents had much to do with the fact that I adapted quite well with a seemingly male life and never hated my body. In secret, though, I always felt female would have been the better option and around 12 years of age I started secretly wearing my mother’s skirts and dresses to explore my female side.

      Now, at 53, I have all the knowledge I wish I had back then, and I have long since understood that I am a woman in mind and soul. Yet I do not know if I can ever fully transition because of the impact it would have on my family and also because of health problems.

      All I can say to you is that I wish you Good Luck on your journey and i hope you will find a happy life as whoever you need to be.

      Ellen Marianne Tornander

      • #35186

        Hi Marianne. My story is similar . I too regret not accepting my self earlier in life. Maybe if places like this were available I would have. I am just turning 65 I have spent a life time with denying I had a problem with my gender. I could not even be honest with my therapist when dealing with depression and anxiety about my gender. A total waste of time.I am not sure if she could of helped me if I told the truth but a least the truth would of been told. Now I am 65 years old. I finally accepted that I should of been born with a female body or a brain that matched my body one or the other. My denial cost me dearly. A opportunity to be truly happy. Acceptance is a wounderful thing. It answered so many questions. Like you I found myself in a situation that if I decided I wanted to go that place of happiness. The impact would be devastating to a family that through no fault of their own are very vunerable. I have custody of my 3 grandchildren they had to deal with both their  parents walking away. I chose to step in and care for them now I am a parent again. I will not walk away so that can I can finally be happy. I believe it would be very selfish of me. Luv Stephanie

        • #35939

          Well, Miss Kennedy, a pleasure and a great relief to find someone here that is in my age bracket. I just keep telling myself “better late than never” and find myself approaching this whole life change with all the confusion and yo-yoing thought processes of….a confused and bewildered WOMAN. My sub-conscious is apparently “putting the cart before the horse”, but I figure that horse can push that cart as easy as he can pull it. As to age, I’m 62, and if you happen to think of any gold-plated tips or warnings that would apply to persons in our age bracket specifically, you would be an angel to relate them. I’m going to keep notebooks of everything, and when I’m done will share them. Off to google school for me. You please do have a wonderful day.

    • #33682

      When I was growing up, I was teased for being ‘girly’, not in evident case, more for my personality.  People thought I wasn’t good at sports because I was too ‘girly.  Actually it was because I wasn’t taught the rules of the particular game.  I still don’t know all the football rules!  As I grew up, I always heard my mom tell people she wished I had been a girl.  I felt confused and even ashamed.  I have two older sisters and six brothers!  The younger of my two sisters was my idol.  She was pretty and she often won local beauty pageants.  I loved the attention she was getting, I wanted to be pretty too!  But…in those days, being a crossdresser was like being evicted not only from family but from society in whole!  So in secret I was trying on my sister’s clothing and lingerie.  I loved how good it felt and how good I looked in it.  But that didn’t last long.  I went years without any opportunity to dress up, even privately.  I longed for it.  It pulled at me constantly.  I tried to do things to get those thoughts out of my head, but the urge only grew stronger.  I got married, divorced, then married a 2nd time.  In my 2nd marriage, I confessed to my wife that I needed to dress as a female and that I had been doing it many years.  In my surprise, she accepted it, but only as a private, at home fetish.  After 14 years of marriage, just mere crossdressing wasn’t enough.  I wanted to live it full time.  Divorce again!  Although I wanted to go full time, jobs and social roadblocks prevented it.  I just went back to looking ‘girly’ no matter what people might say about it.  I’m still having problems, but hope to change that soon.

    • #33686
      Mae
      FREE

      WOW you really hit a note with this one! Whew you got a great deal of responses so I’m torn whether to add my two cents but then… I’m kinda of a chatty🍒 As I read your post I couldn’t help but think we were the same but on the different sides of the same coin. FTM & MTF I undoubtably was born male but I have a desire to present female even if it’s only part time-some time. I spend more time practicing my feminine voice, mannerisms and movements far more then my actual feminine dressing. The idea being… feminine women have a way of appearing feminine regardless what they are wearing. Macho Men appear masculine not because of an abundant display of muscle but in posture and positioning. Hair style may seem or even be the first indicator but how you hold yourself will give that signal from a greater distance then even hair. Something I try to keep in mind is the difference in our natural bodies. Females movements generate from their hips while males generate their movements from their shoulders. Men take up space while women conserve space. Watch how men sit, legs and feet wide taking up personal space. Women tend to keep their legs either close or crossed. As a MTF Crossdressing Closet Girl I hope to present as the feminine Girl next door not a guy in a dress💋

    • #52257

      Hi Xelyn,

      You are starting in the right direction, gather all the information, roll it through your mind, then you will come to a conclusion but it will be a well informed one. TGH is one of the best places to discover a lot about gender identity. At the end of the day if you have gender dysphoria it is better to do something about it early as not doing anything is like being in a nightmare 24/7/365. that will never stop no matter what. Feel free if you need to ask anything.

      All the best Mate,

      Lucy Liz

    • #89631
      DeeAnn Hopings
      AMBASSADOR

      Of the people who still consider you to be female, I would wonder if they understand that sex and gender are 2 different things.

    • #91260
      Katrina
      FREE

      Sorta getting overwhelmed with the replies you got but I’ll add my two cents. I suffer gender dysphoria every day. I am just starting to look at this whole gender thing. Growing up, a boy who liked girl things was labelled as gay. I am and never have been gay. There was always this wish that I would open my eyes and be a girl rather than the boy I was. However, growing up, you never expressed those thoughts. I didn’t crossdress in secret like many people on here. I tried to be one of four boys. I grew up and joined the military. I found out that in the Canadian military, they would pay for your transition because certain provincial medical plans covered it. By that time I was so programmed with the idea that someone who had a sex change was a freak, that I couldn’t consider it. I sure couldn’t talk about it. Time went on and I got married to an incredible woman. She introduced me to wearing clear nail polish as a way to stop biting my nails. One day I was suggesting a colour for her to try and she told me if I wanted that colour, I should wear it. She wasn’t going to. She said she didn’t care if I wore coloured nail polish. I bought it to prove her wrong. I now have several colours I love to wear. This has gone one small step at a time to where I am now. I have a pair of breastforms, some bras, high heels and skirts. Because I have never specifically expressed the desire to be a woman, she thinks this is a new hobby and is waiting to see if I will move on to another hobby when I get bored of it. I promised her I wouldn’t look at anything permanent for a year. How does this answer your question about dysforia? Well, I still have my beard. I look down and see a great pair of legs, breasts (even if I know they are not real yet) and then I see my face in the mirror and hate what looks like. Girls don’t wear full beards as a rule. I have the beard because my face is very asymmetrical and it covers a lot of that. My wife prefers men in beards than shaved. As I am not hurrying this process, I still have the beard. My face doesn’t fit my body. I get dysforia every time I see my reflection. My only comfort is I know it isn’t permanent anymore.

      That came out a lot longer than I planned. I hope it gave you some comfort to know you are not alone.

    • #91271

      Hi , i’m Leslie , and i’ve thought about this a whole lot in my life . Dysphoria , to me is just another form someone can use to identify people who act and feel different than they were assigned at birth . I believe this feeling goes way farther back than we realize , to the womb even . I think we were balancing on a fence and were push or fell the wrong way . I know we all feel way more feminine than masculine , i know my man feelings stop at my neck and my brain doesn’t obey . When i was a child this type of behavior was not understood and looked down at , and made to feel ashamed of . As i grew older i fought it and tried to forget it , but that didn’t work and now at a later time in my life i’ve decided to embrace it , to be the person i was supposed to be , a girl . As a pre school child my mom knew i was different and didn’t mind i wore her under ware , she pinned them on me to keep them up . My dad wasn’t so understanding , he wanted his son but lived with it . I guess this is were the Dysphoria comes in . I toyed for a while with speaking with a mental health person , but felt the expense and time wasn’t in the proper direction . I decided to keep a journal of my feelings and did so for two years and came to terms with myself and except who i really am , i am at peace now with being the lady i was really mint to be , Leslie Anne , and i am glad . I only wish i had been allowed to be her much sooner , life would have been a lot easier . When we are young we are under constant supervision, guided and kept in line , i was so confused at times . Worrying about what i am is less important to me than who i am , I’m Leslie she’s in , he’s out and she’s here to stay . Here her purr .         Love to all , Leslie

      • #91527

        I can empathise with everything that you wrote im scared to death now I have opened up to my sexuality

        • #91528
          DeeAnn Hopings
          AMBASSADOR

          You mean Gender Identity?

          • #91529

            Yes gender identity

          • #91530
            DeeAnn Hopings
            AMBASSADOR

            Ah, not a problem. It was unclear what you meant as Gender Identity was being discussed…

    • #122495

      Growing up I knew something wasn’t right I hated going to gym I would do whatever I could to get out of it. And then using the bathroom at school I couldn’t use it. Still to this day I can’t use a rest room don’t even want to go inside one. then when I was growing up, I hated getting a haircut. Today I feel at my best   when I am being me and doing and wearing what I want.  I do have times where I don’t feel I want to go out in public and wish I could fix it. Just never fit in

    • #123888

      Hi my name is Sarah Jane i am in the same position as you.
      I came from the United Kingdom
      Also I would like to become a woman
      My wife does not want me to be come a
      Woman.I have been like this for a long time i just cannot get it out of my head so I don’t really help you.

    • #124857

      Hello, I’m Jessica. I’m new to all of this as well, so I wouldn’t trust myself to give you any advice. But I will say this… I am SO HAPPY and extremely excited to be the girl I’ve always known I am.. It may be hard for people to accept, and i know life after transition will be rough from time to time. But i know that it will be nothing in comparison to the absolute Hell I have been through, the shame I have been forced to feel, the anxiety and panic i have had, and the general unhappiness of my life living in this stupid man suit. These girls here have helped me to feel better, and reveal more and to more people, little by little, and the happiness in my life already is so powerful… Oh my God it feels so Good. I can’t even find the words. Now here’s the kicker: I am so disappointed this couldn’t happen SOONER. My life would have been so much better. My life…my REAL LIFE…is just now starting. I’ve wasted so much time worrying and feeling ashamed. Im 42 years old, and i WILL transition (M2F, BTW), and if I’d been able to do this when I had my looks…wow. so yes, gather information as accurately and quickly as you can. Don’t waste time. Because dysphoria is one thing..but in your HEART, a person KNOWS who they are. When i was a child, I was a girl..and i knew I was..and it breaks my heart that I let someone take my whole life away from me..well, at least half of it.. A child just is..a child is innocent..doesn’t know why they feel male or female, but I promise you…a child does know. How did you feel as a child? Male or female? That’s more than likely who you are. Whatever you decide, I’m behind you 100%, & I’m sure we all are. The people here are amazing..you are where you need to be. I love you. 💋

      💕- Jessica

      P.S. Hey, I’ll trade you my hardware for yours! 😏

      • #135329

        I also regret not transitioning when I was a 20 yr old, I had the looks and a girlish figure. Now I’m on HRT for 2 years at 63 yrs old. My advice to anyone who has gender dysphoria is to begin your transition as early as you can, I don’t think it ever goes away with time. I was very unhappy living as a man for most of my life, and already I’m calmer and happier.

        • #141486

          Rachel,
          You are so right, I finally revealed myself to my wife after 45 years of hiding from reality. I am much better now and she loves that I am not depressed any more. She never ask why I was and I thought I would have ever tell her. Finally I did as it does weigh heavy on your psyche. Now I’m ready for the next step. But being 67 (68 next Monday) I now wished I had done it sooner. Don’t be like me, I thought I would get over it. I was wrong. The sooner, the happier!

        • #141487

          Wow.  If the information and support available now had been available to me in my 2o’s I would have done that.  Being a fan of science fiction, and working in medicine, I sometimes wonder if one day there could be some sort of gene therapy for gender dysphoria (what a movie that would make).  As it was, for most of my life I existed in a vaccume with the company of one.  It took an ugly divorce and an introduction to the kink-BDSM community for me to begin asking hard questions, and ultimately to accept who I am, or rather, who I always was.  I’m planning this to happen at 62 or 63, and the upside is that I have an accepting loving partner that is willing and eager to share this journey with me.  Discovering the woman I am at a later juncture  in life has its benefits. I know who I am.  And like the person I’ve become… and would like to live as a woman to make that person finally whole.  With an additional story to tell for sure. Thanks for sharing and good luck !

    • #136387
      Inuyasha
      FREE

      Hi,

      I’m Lir, nice to meet you! I thought I’d add in my story. I am FTM and am awaiting my first visit with a gender therapist but, when I was little I never considered myself female or feminine. I usually was friends with boys and didn’t get along with many girls. I didn’t like most of the games that the girls at school played and I would be climbing trees and trucks or rolling in mud (my mother often was upset with how dirty my clothes and hair got). When I learned about transgender I often wondered if I was but, didn’t want to accept it because I was worried that would make me a gay boy. When I was 20 I decided to ask my friends and family what they would do if I was (hypothetically) trans. They said that they would support me but, I shouldn’t do anything if I wasn’t going to be happy with the results because after a point the changes would be permanent. I decided to take some time again because I wasn’t entirely sure and I needed more information. Last year I talked to my family and GP and now I’m just waiting to see the therapist.

      Let me know if you have any questions.

    • #141542

      Since a very young age, I have known that there was something very different about me. As time went on, I developed feelings that I was much more female than male. Unfortunately, due to the time and environment that I grew up in, my feelings were repressed. This had profound effects on me as I have been relatively withdrawn, had a hard time maintaining friendships and in general, didn’t achieve my full potential. I have been a crossdresser as long as I can remember and I can now see that this was my response to the dysphoria that I felt by forcing myself into male roles.

      Now as times have changed and I have felt freer to express my authentic self. I got help from a psychiatrist, and explored my feelings and ultimately came to some degree of peace with who I really am. Now I have come to the realization that I am more than a crossdresser, I am actually a woman! While I have lost a lot of time, I am now trying hard to make up for this loss by moving myself in the right direction.

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