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I’m curious, what’s the best advice you ever got for transitioning?
I’ve received a lot of advice, so much of it good. The most practical I think was to start hair removal early. By the time HRT rolled around that side of the transition was no longer an issue for me, and it made many things a whole lot easier.
What’s the best piece of advice you received for transitioning?
My Mentor Denise, asked me to think about what I was willing to lose in order to be happy being me.
I know I could lose a most of my family and friends, and worse case scenario I could lose my job and my ability to provide for myself. I really hope that dont happen. But its something anyone of us should consider when making any changes in our lives.
Several people told me to go get a counselor. Self reliance is how I was raised and not seeking help when you can figure it out yourself was the mantra. While it doe lend toward self assurance and confidence it blinds you to fully appreciating all the wonderful possibilities out there. It also lends toward placing up your own barriers of protectionism to keep yourself away from truths that are scary, The counselor helped me tear those barriers away to reveal the truth within my heart.
So far the best piece of advice I have gotten came from Dame Veronica. Be calm, be honest, seek a good counselor and just be truthful to your spouse. With these tools I will be able to figure out who I am and which gender I should be. While I am leaning strongly towards the conclusion that I am female in heart, mind, and soul I cannot reject the possibility that the body could be correct. With counseling I am going to find out the answer to my dreams and I hope to escape the nightmare. Hugs 🤗 and love ❤️ 💋👠
Danielle
Hello everyone…..what I have to say comes straight from my life and observations from being around the world. The whole point of living is to enjoy oneself. Most humans want to be happy and our 100 year life span is spent doing this. However…we loose track of happiness because we get side-tracked accumulating a lot of things we think we want and that will make us happy…..sure you will be a small while. But…protecting these things and accumulation of stuff….costs us dearly…now we must work a job to make money to buy more things that is gradually killing our souls and happiness. As I approach the end of my life, I look back at all the things I was involved with and accumulated and ask myself….did this make a difference….did this help humanity in the areas where it mattered? No…..it “don’t mean nothing”. Be the best you can be to create happiness and contentment……that means something. Spread joy upon yourself and others. You wish to be a girl? Go ahead and go for it. Study those around you….talk to those who have gone before you and seek their advice talk with the girls of CDH and TGH…..a wealth of good advice and how to. This is what I have done and I am now content and happy. It is my goal now to help others obtain happiness and enlightenment. The Master said….”to be truly free….bind yourself to nothing” We want to leave a legacy of happiness for when we are gone to the next life…..our fussing and thrashing of this one will matter not in history. Leave the legacy of happiness with the next generation to enjoy.
Dame Veronica
Hi I am a trans woman that thinking about going forward still very cautious. I have been in therapy past by twenty years may be twice a month. Manly due to anxiety and some mild depression. I did not tell my first therapist about my gender issues. I thought I could handle that I wanted depression and anxiety to go away. I started with new therapist her specialty was gender. depression and other. I found out she became good at it because all those issues are related. She was not any better or smarter I was just honest told her upfront and center. I was having problems with my gender identity. Could not believe I said it. It felt good. After the first 3 sessions she agreed that I had a gender issue. I laughed and said I know that. She interrupted and said she really believed I was a woman while looking strait into my eyes. Like she wanted to see me. She said you did not fall on your head other in other words there was no childhood trans. There were all the signs of being a trans girl at the time. Now I was paying attention. She also told me that my anxiety, depression and low self esteem were all related to that gender issue. I still delayed for 3 more years . I thought I was being stubborn. I know now I thought I was being selfish. By achnologing that I was a was a woman meant I have been lying to everyone I loved and cared about. I knew about Stephanie my whole life. I have been married for 35 years maybe more. I had two children I have five grandchildren three of them boys who are beginning the first stages of being young men. I care for a 90 year old mother in law in my home. My wife is on more meds than I can count. Due to breast cancer and other health issue. She cannot work out side home or in it for that matter 🙂 I work some times sixty hours per week. Doing very demanding electrical construction big buildings and office buildings I have custody of the three boys . I believe I was in denial due my unwillingness to be selfish. This self discovery just comes out sorry. These people need a provider and protector. I have been taught my whole life to be those two despite knowing about Stephanie I restrospect I should of transitioned 40 years ago I may be just too late for this train Luv Stephanie
3 sessions she agreed that I was having gender issues Ok. But for the first time I was ca she calwoman
Listening,listening,and learning. I consider myself a very lucky girl,I’ve only hit a couple potholes so far. Yes i started electrolysis asap ,I listened.I told my therapist i was soo looking foward to my future. He said one day at a time. This is the happiest time of your life enjoy it. Im attending voice classes for the transgendered community. I’m really listening. Talking to the other girls listening and learning. Im embracing my journey ive waited so long for this,so thankfull.
Shelley, I called it gaining perspectives. I wanted to know as much about other peoples thoughts and trials and successes as well as disappointments. All in all I’ve found much joy in the stories even when going through a dark valley. Most of all I’ve found friendship and connectedness that have been sources of strength in what can feel like a lonely path.
Hugs, Ambassador Cloe!
“Just do it.” – Nike
But seriously. Best advice I have gotten is including my fiancé throughout the entire process. Keep open lines of communication with her and let her ask questions. Answer them honestly. Don’t hide anything. And couples therapy before taking steps like HRT. These are the things that keep our relationship alive and well despite the major changes to come
Never really received a ton of advice but a couple observations from the last 2 years:
Don’t only start hair removal early, start voice as soon as possible, it will take time, averages between 6 & 12 months to get it passable on the phone.
Be patient with yourself. This is a journey that will not happen overnight, be patient, be kind to yourself, and embrace self care. Enjoy the journey!!
For me, self care is the only one of those that is free and yet has been the hardest to embrace. Too many years of self reliance and denial of self has left me with an automated cocooning. I liken it to an oyster layering on more lacquer to the pearl irritant. The emotional baggage has been immense and not something to be released all at once.
My of my C.I.S. girlfriend ! She told me, (and keeps reminding me), to be myself and go about my business. They, as my(Bio-Girls) notice that to many transgender individuals LQQK around for everyone elses approval or to see who is staring at them. If they do simply show them how friendly you are. Smile and say “Hi” . Don’t allow them to rain on your day. Its yours and you were enjoying it, weren’t you?
Xs Tracee
Hi All
Some really great advice here, thank you all. Building up the power within to ask GP for a referral,
Lucy Liz
Going to the GP for a referral was my new years resolution. However even when I went to the appointment I still had a back up “problem” in case I chickened out at the last moment. Stupid mental barriers. Luckily my heart won and I am now referred. It was a huge relief to say out loud what I am and how I want to live my life.
Now it is the horrible endless wait on the NHS, or gather my finances together to go private.
I am taking note of the advice here, so thank you all. This week I am going to my first appointment for hair removal. Voice may take some work: I used to think I was rather high pitched but either my voice has dropped over the years or I was deluding myself. I am rather conscious of how my voice sounds at the moment.
Though this is an older question and I am very late to the dance, I felt I had to comment by at least saying thank you to all who have taken the time to share your wisdom and lessons.
I am not now transitioning though I am confident that I am a woman at heart. Would I like express myself freely as a woman. Yes, but at this point “collateral damage” to my loved ones blocks my mental surrender to transition. But who knows, only recently has the blockade to honestly embracing and owning my own womanhood been torn down. Perhaps the transitional blockade will come down some day also.
Again thank you all for sharing. There is safety in a multitude of counselors. No doubt as we draw on one another’s experiences we can with more safety navigate our own courses.
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