I am in a whirlwind of denial, and I need help.

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    Topic
  • #134248
    Amber Lynn
    Participant

    Truthfully, I can use all the help I can get from people. To be able to talk about all these things in my head and heart with people who understand is priceless in my mind. I have a very supportive wife, who has no intention of leaving me, and is arguably more excited with my inevitable transition than I am. But she can only help so much, so please anyone willing, send a message!

    5 users thanked author for this post.
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    • #134556
      Terri Anne
      AMBASSADOR

      Hello Amber,

      Welcome to our wonderful, accepting, loving, helpful community where you can be safe and be yourself.

      You can read about the knowledge and experiances of others on a similar path by reading articles and in the forums and chatting in chat rooms.
      My hope is that you will become comfortable here and make many new friends.
      Glad you are here. Looking forward to seeing you on the site.
      Terri Anne, Ambassador

      ============ TGH MtF ChatRoom ============================
      https://transgenderheaven.com/chat/mtf-transgender-chat/

      =========== TGH How-to Navigation ============================
      https://transgenderheaven.com/forums/topic/member-howto-for-navigating-the-tgh-website/

      1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #134377

      I’m glad you have your wife’s enthusiastic support. We can offer some insights, but in the end, she is your most reliable source of guidance.

      Don’t worry about feeling unsure. That’s perfectly normal. Hesitancy is equally normal when you are facing big potential changes. So my advice is to just take small, comfortable steps from wherever you are in your life. It may begin as simple as incorporating some feminine items in your otherwise drab appearanc You may start dressing in a more feminine manner at home. Or maybe your first time out in public. (Dinner with your wife sounds nice ;). Whatever works for you.

      Take your time and enjoy the freedom and support your wife is giving you. Not all of us are so fortunate!

      1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #134315

      Hi Amber,
      My story is very similar to Brielle’s. My spouse and I have separated as she wasn’t wanting the uncertainty of knowing who would be home when she arrived – a man or a woman.
      I, like Brielle is in the process of, have transitioned and live full time as a woman, a trans woman and legally a female. If there is anything I can help you with, please feel free to ask.

      Hugs,

      Ms. Lauren M

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #134299
      Brielle
      SILVER

      Hi Amber, welcome to the site! Looks like you have a number of offers to help. i am a little over a year using T blocker and 3/4 of a year on estradiol. i was a CD for 6 decades, off and on, but my wife did not have a clue until i came out to her in July 2021 after 40 years of being a couple. She didn’t embrace it as your wife has and we are in process for divorce. I’m legally changing my name Dec. 16 and will be full time in feminine form just before Christmas. While i’m excited about the positive changes it’s not as fulfilling as it could be while grieving the loss of a spouse to divorce. She is fully supportive but cannot be with another woman as a spouse. Please don’t hesitate to PM me anytime. I have nothing to hide at this point and i’m tired of the lifetime of doing that anyway!

      Hugs,

      Brie

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #134266
      DeeAnn Hopings
      AMBASSADOR

      Amber:

      I have 3 suggestions that could help your situation:

      • Many here have found that working with a therapist is quite helpful. Make sure that you find someone with experience with gender issues. Not all therapists have this experience or interest. It is very difficult for us to remain focused on something that could cause great upheaval in our lives as our minds work to try to protect ourselves in this kind of situation. A therapist can help us maintain focus and thinking about the key issues.
      • Is there a local trans community to connect with? Being able to spend time with our peers is very helpful. It serves as a reminder to we are not alone and that others have, or had, the same issues. Many LGBT centers have been doing online support and social gatherings. This can remove issues concerning time and travel.
      • While you can wait for someone to contact you, it is probably better to look for other members near you. Click on Social in the menu and then Member Directory.
      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #134251

      Truthfully, I can use all the help I can get from people. To be able to talk about all these things in my head and heart with people who understand is priceless in my mind. I have a very supportive wife, who has no intention of leaving me, and is arguably more excited with my inevitable transition than I am. But she can only help so much, so please anyone willing, send a message!

      My name is Helen I shave been in a similar position myself. If I can help I will.

      2 users thanked author for this post.
      • #134253

        That would be spectacular…. I am pretty much to the point of accepting but the best way I could describe it is I feel I need to bounce thoughts, feelings, etc off of someone that has been in my position or anything similar. I do speak to a therapist but I am unable to get what is missing out of it despite my absolute full disclosure.

        2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #134250

      Hi Amber Lynn. I’m Abby. I’m glad you have a supportive wife. It makes a huge difference. It’s not been easy for either of us relationship wise. At one point recently she asked for a divorce. As she put it she does not wish to be married to a woman. I get it. I told her I would not contest it.  But after talking she decided to hold off for the time. We don’t need to rush into it.

      I have made quite a few missteps. I came out 14 mos. ago. My application of makeup has gotten better and quicker. I have a hairy body so that is a bit of a pain. Lot’s of territory to cover on shave day. I’ve found a good women’s razor that I like – Soleil but I also have a women’s electric and Nair. I don’t use the Nair that much – prefer the razor. The electric does well enough when I don’t want to mess with shave cream. As for the back I found something on Amazon called the Bakblade. I need more practice but it’s good and you don’t have to wet your back or use shave cream. There are other things I’ve learned over time. My counselor taught me a makeup trick that is great.

      Anyway, if you want to ask questions or chat let me know. It’s been having other trans women to talk to that has made a difference. Abby.

      2 users thanked author for this post.
      • #134254

        I really do hope that it turns out for the best with your wife, luckily mine loves me for who I am and understands I will still be me no matter what. I would be happy to have someone to talk to, always open to new friends. And aside from that I would be happy to help you with anything I can as well c:

        1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #134249

      Amber,

      Jeez, I think many of us would be envious to have not only a girlfriend, but a wife, who is excited to see you and be for you all the way in your transition!

      To tell you the truth, what you relate reminds me of those rather cheap forced or cooperatively forced transition stories I’ve read through Amazon. Many include a wife or girlfriend who helps her partner along.  I minimally have that luxury. My partner hasn’t accepted my transitioning but even so has given me purses, jewelry, and some of her skirts.

      Can’t say more at this time because I don’t know what more to say.

       

      4 users thanked author for this post.
      • #134255

        Well I do not wish to speculate on your situation, but am here if you need to talk. And yes I am grateful indeed to have her, but she told me straight up she does not know how to assist me at this point, which is totally understandable and fair. I have a way of problem solving in my brain, and just have yet to find the catalyst for the “click”. I am unable to ignore all the things, and the more research I do from a neat website called medium amongst others (not the copy paste websites that are hard not to find on google) the more things become undeniable. But I feel the fact that I am willing to use all the resources at my disposal and search for any others that could help is a good step. And as I stated above, I would be happy to chat anytime and always appreciate new friends ^-^

        2 users thanked author for this post.
        • #134517

          If you give thought to what you are doing, I think you’ll make the decisions you need to make at the right time. Don’t attempt to rush things for the sake of getting where you wish to be faster. I’ve methodically progressed from the time my femininity just wouldn’t let go. I’m happy in the progress I’ve made and with the very few waves it has created, but it takes much soulful contemplation.

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