I’m Fine – Coming to Terms with Depression; a Poem

I know there’s nothing wrong with me

I know that I’m just fine

Why should I have to think about

Koala Swim

The dark clouds in my mind

 

Why would I choose to focus on

The pain I felt before

What’s done is done, the past is past

It doesn’t matter anymore

 

So what if I’m mad at my parents

For leaving me all on my own

So what if I hated my teachers

It’s not like they could have known

 

I know that there’s nothing wrong with me

I know that I’m just fine

Why would I want to think about

The dark clouds in my mind

 

Why would I choose to focus on

The pain I felt before

What’s done is done, the past is past

It doesn’t matter anymore

 

Maybe I’m just too sensitive

After all, I was being naïve

Shouldn’t I have known better, then to believe all the lies

About friendship and trauma and how passivity makes you wise

 

There’s nothing wrong with me

I’m fine

I get to choose to ignore

The dark clouds in my mind

 

Why would I focus on

The tricks I learned to play

It’s all been done, it’s in the past

It never mattered anyway

 

I loved myself at first

But slowly it sunk in

The aching hollow loneliness

Of never fitting in

 

I didn’t get the lessons

And I didn’t get the games

And over time the loneliness

Shifted into pain

 

So maybe something is wrong with me

Maybe I’m not fine

Maybe there’s something deeper taking its toll on me

A disconnect inside my mind

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    Kris marts

    My breasts grew in at age eleven, and with them my life became a walking nightmare, i feel uncomfortable in my skin, and in public, and when I move, or stand, or walk, or talk

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    Cristina
    Cristina(@jill131313)
    27 days ago

    Your poem really hit home with me I do not know why I feel so bad. Things are going good for me, the hormones are working and things are changing physically better than I expected, people I have come out to are more supportive than I ever thought they would be. Even the things I thought would never work out like hair removal is going very well. Yet I feel like crap I am on the edge all the time all I think about is ending it all. Is this normal? Is this what I can expect forever? I was… Read more »

    Autumn
    Autumn(@autumn)
    1 month ago

    I’m very sorry for what you’re going through. Hugs. I can relate. This is my first time visiting this site in about two months because I’ve been spending most of my online-time on Suicide Forum. As Ally wrote, you’re not alone. We can help each other. I’ve been dealing with depression and suicidal thoughts for most of my life, and this year has been especially bad for me. So I understand what you’re feeling, and please don’t hesitate to post you’re feelings. The people of this site care.

    LeslieAnne
    Member
    LeslieAnne(@leslieanne)
    3 months ago

    No , Kris , i am not fine either , i have contemplated not existing any more several times myself . Do i suffer depression ? , yes i guess so . To be or not to be that is the question end i quote . Will i die at my own hand due to being depressed ? , maybe one day . I live each day as it comes . Will i ever be loved ? , probably not . I confessed to a very close friend and he no longer calls me , i guess i scared him… Read more »

    Eva
    Member
    Eva(@evparpar)
    2 months ago
    Reply to  LeslieAnne

    Me too. LeslieAnne, stay; don’t go. Think you’re not at a ‘.’ (a period). Rather, think and believe you’re a ‘;’. A semi-colon. You see, a ‘.’ is “the end”. But a ‘;’ always has words, days, living that follows. However hard it is, you’re always at a ‘;’. Life always follows. If we let it. I struggle too, and I refuse to come to a ‘.’.
    I’m a good listener; try me out. Okay?

    Ally Smiley
    Ally Smiley(@allys)
    3 months ago

    you have no idea how much I connected to this. I’ve been depressed for years as well as been battling anxiety, and PTSD from my horrible childhood. I am so sorry that you have to go through this but know that you’re not alone. we are both a part of a community here that is not only supportive but also understanding. so we aren’t alone in this battle. I have met hundreds of people that have felt like they are, only to find out that they aren’t. if it helps, you can dm me if you need to talk whenever,… Read more »

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