I know there’s nothing wrong with me
I know that I’m just fine
Why should I have to think about
The dark clouds in my mind
Why would I choose to focus on
The pain I felt before
What’s done is done, the past is past
It doesn’t matter anymore
So what if I’m mad at my parents
For leaving me all on my own
So what if I hated my teachers
It’s not like they could have known
I know that there’s nothing wrong with me
I know that I’m just fine
Why would I want to think about
The dark clouds in my mind
Why would I choose to focus on
The pain I felt before
What’s done is done, the past is past
It doesn’t matter anymore
Maybe I’m just too sensitive
After all, I was being naïve
Shouldn’t I have known better, then to believe all the lies
About friendship and trauma and how passivity makes you wise
There’s nothing wrong with me
I’m fine
I get to choose to ignore
The dark clouds in my mind
Why would I focus on
The tricks I learned to play
It’s all been done, it’s in the past
It never mattered anyway
I loved myself at first
But slowly it sunk in
The aching hollow loneliness
Of never fitting in
I didn’t get the lessons
And I didn’t get the games
And over time the loneliness
Shifted into pain
So maybe something is wrong with me
Maybe I’m not fine
Maybe there’s something deeper taking its toll on me
A disconnect inside my mind
More Articles by Kris marts
Kris marts
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- I’m Fine – Coming to Terms with Depression; a Poem - October 7, 2021
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Your poem really hit home with me I do not know why I feel so bad. Things are going good for me, the hormones are working and things are changing physically better than I expected, people I have come out to are more supportive than I ever thought they would be. Even the things I thought would never work out like hair removal is going very well. Yet I feel like crap I am on the edge all the time all I think about is ending it all. Is this normal? Is this what I can expect forever? I was… Read more »
Thank you for commenting💕 I hope your doing a bit better, I know that dealing with intrusive thoughts can really trap us in these awful cycles of anxiety and imposter syndrome; and the feeling that our negative feelings arent warranted or make me over sensitive can really lead to that deep sense of unearned guilt when it starts to feel like the problem has to be internal. I wish I had some advice I could offer you. I know, for me, that feeling that I had a good life and should’ve felt happy but didn’t really made me feel ungrateful… Read more »
I’m very sorry for what you’re going through. Hugs. I can relate. This is my first time visiting this site in about two months because I’ve been spending most of my online-time on Suicide Forum. As Ally wrote, you’re not alone. We can help each other. I’ve been dealing with depression and suicidal thoughts for most of my life, and this year has been especially bad for me. So I understand what you’re feeling, and please don’t hesitate to post you’re feelings. The people of this site care.
No , Kris , i am not fine either , i have contemplated not existing any more several times myself . Do i suffer depression ? , yes i guess so . To be or not to be that is the question end i quote . Will i die at my own hand due to being depressed ? , maybe one day . I live each day as it comes . Will i ever be loved ? , probably not . I confessed to a very close friend and he no longer calls me , i guess i scared him… Read more »
Me too. LeslieAnne, stay; don’t go. Think you’re not at a ‘.’ (a period). Rather, think and believe you’re a ‘;’. A semi-colon. You see, a ‘.’ is “the end". But a ‘;’ always has words, days, living that follows. However hard it is, you’re always at a ‘;’. Life always follows. If we let it. I struggle too, and I refuse to come to a ‘.’.
I’m a good listener; try me out. Okay?
you have no idea how much I connected to this. I’ve been depressed for years as well as been battling anxiety, and PTSD from my horrible childhood. I am so sorry that you have to go through this but know that you’re not alone. we are both a part of a community here that is not only supportive but also understanding. so we aren’t alone in this battle. I have met hundreds of people that have felt like they are, only to find out that they aren’t. if it helps, you can dm me if you need to talk whenever,… Read more »