Having genetic female friends

I am truly blessed to have a great group of genetic female friends. They know me for who I am now, and who I was before, and could care less if I show up in drab — of course, I would rather not do that — or classy casual.  I used to lament getting older, because I felt losing my youth meant losing my ability to fit in and be accepted. As I have gotten older (much older actually), I have learned from my many cisgender female friends to stop caring so much about what other people think, and just please myself as to how I look.

That, of course, is easy for them to say, as they have never had a second thought about being perceived as anything other than who they are. I, on the other hand, tend to persist in working to be reasonably fashionable, while most of the cisgender girls my age (65+) wear very little makeup and frankly don’t seen to feel any need to try much in the the fashion department.  I am grateful that my girlfriends support my need to spend more effort on my appearance than they do, and are always working to care for me and make me feel accepted. Two of my closest girlfriends are actually very entertained with my efforts, and seem to enjoy it when I do something they once did, but no longer feel the need to do.

I have become more comfortable being less “done-up” but still like to keep a high standard of appearance, just to please myself. Appearance does matter. Lately, however, with the help of some great girlfriends, I have found that it’s not as critical as it once was to me.

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Carla Roberts

I am an older late 60’s Transwoman (non-op) living my life as I choose, after many years of having to be something I am not.

Latest posts by Carla Roberts (see all)

  1. Lana Lang 4 months ago

    Having genetic female friends is important. I was fortunate to have one starting very young. She was accepting, supportive and loving. She made everything so much better. Girlfriends are wonderful and provide the support, understanding and acceptance we all need!

  2. Lea Henderson 4 months ago

    Thanks for pointing this one out to me Vanessa. Oh how true it rings. I kind of laugh at it and myself at the same time seeing a lot of myself in this article… Accepting denying going through changes getting older becoming wiser and appreciating those around me that much more… Not just my family but my lady friends accept me for who I am… I appreciate that very much. So it’s not something that I have to forcibly deal at I can just relax more and be who I am… With all my different facets… And fight it even more interesting that guys understand and are becoming more accepting of this to… Not just with me but with other men he goes to the change of male to female. I’ve also kind of flooded between the two for many years so it’s not that big a deal or shock to people around me where I live… I am who I am I try to respect others and just politely ask that they respect me to. It works both ways… I’m Only Human After All.

  3. Selina Pintar 4 months ago

    I agree with this completely. Being one of the girls with my genetic girlfriends is more important to me than any other part of my transition.

    • Author
      Carla Roberts 4 months ago

      I so agree with your comment. It is not that I don’t feel a sense of kinship with my Trans sisters (and brothers) I am grateful for their support, but the relationships with genetic females is incredibly satisfying, because it is when I feel most real, and in my essence, not even giving a thought to my identity, other than being in the moment.

  4. Layla Jynsen 5 months ago

    I do have a few genetic female friends. Although they are all so far away. I feel alone. I do have genetic female support near me though, doctors, nurses, other veterans. I do feel blessed to have those that i do. I’m in a transitional shelter at the moment living on the females floor, since I identify as female. I couldnt be happier right now.

    Thank you for sharing. It can be invigorating to get help from genetic females. I love shopping, once I tell the manager and such, they are always happy to help with with combinations of clothing. I dont know what goes together, lol. If i hadnt gotten their advice, Theres no telling what Id look like, lol. I’m just kidding, I do have some taste in color and design. I’m mostly a jeans type of girl. Tomgirl I call myself….

    -Layla Jynsen

  5. LeslieAnne 5 months ago

    Carla Your post gives me a renewed feeling about myself and my hopes of being accepted as my fem self. You are very lucky to have such wonder friends , I would love to have someone to care about and do things with.You rock girl, and look very sweet , enjoy life.Leslie

    • Author
      Carla Roberts 5 months ago

      Thanks so much for your kind words. I am so glad you found my words helpful. Having friends and acquaintances, who accept and value you for who you are is a wonderful thing and worth all the effort it requires.
      I hope you are enjoying life as you wish it to be.

      • J G 5 months ago

        Being older as well(71) I understand completely,in my younger days I was considered modal pretty slim frame,no body hair at all,and when I went on hormones I started getting a LOT of attention,there are days I find myself thinking about those days. Now I present a male presentment more for social safety,because there is still danger in being clocked. as much as things have changed,the real world is still dangerous. I posted a drawing made by an online friend that was from a photo,the drawing is very much my likeness. I never got finished with electrolysis,so still can grow a beard. even being post op. my presentation is compared to dumbpuldore from harry potter,my hair is still long.

        the likeness is very accurate,if you wonder.


  6. Shelley Spickler 5 months ago

    I can very much relate to your post Carla. My girlfriend and her daughters,my sister-in laws,and my neighbor all so helpfull with advise. Some with makeup others with hair. Just being one of the girls is all i ever wanted.We always have fun shopping guaranteed!!

    • Author
      Carla Roberts 5 months ago

      Thank you Shelly,
      I think being “One-of-Girls” is all many of us have ever wanted, and more importantly, what we needed.

      • Selina Pintar 4 months ago

        I agree with this completely. Being one of the girls with my genetic girlfriends is more important to me than any other part of my transition.

  7. Terri Anne 5 months ago

    Carla, A wonderful post. Thank you for sharing about your experiences and friends.
    You give me hope.
    -Terri Anne

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