No, not the Obsession Eau De Parfum For Women by Calvin Klein. Nor the obsession in Obsessive-compulsive disorder either. No, I’m talking about those day to day, nagging, obsessions that go on each and every day. The obsessions that under pin the things many face all the time. The indirect obsessions. The ones that seem to be one thing, but are actually something different. The one’s out of the magicians hat to distract us.

So many today seem to be obsessed with how they are perceived. They seem to imply that they are reaching out, supporting, and embracing the transgender community, but they keep one foot firmly planted in their old ways. One has to wonder why. Are they keeping one foot planted where it used to be because they are unsure of themselves, or their motives. Or are they wanting to play both sides of the fence and appease everyone; or at the very minimum, appease as many as they can. They can’t really be faulted too much I guess. Don’t we all have a desire to please everyone, and to the extent possible?

And it isn’t just the John and Jane Doe on the street, but the big entities as well. Even many militaries, while espousing such high support for the transgender community still, as in the case of the military draft, require “transgender people who were assigned male gender at birth”. But they abundantly want to make sure proper pronouns are used. To say nothing of the female to male transgender individuals.

En Femme Style

Even the simple day to day things like driving a car are affected by this line of thinking and are obsessed with perception. In many cases, owning an automobile carries with it not only the requirement to have passed a driver’s test, but to also have a currently valid automobile insurance policy. The numbers are constantly crunched to make sure the rates are in line with the populations driving and accident statistics. But they still seem to center on the binary aspects of a population, and assume the ‘at birth’ tag. Many states, provinces, and regions may allow for changing your gender on your driver’s license, and changing your name as well on all your documentation, but the insurance rates are, in most cases, still calculated based on your birth.

And our community, as open, supportive, and embracing as we are, still has a hard time with our obsession of perception. Enter the sexual side of this equation. If you strip away all of the scintillating aspects of things, does it really matter one iota who I prefer my intimate physical contact with; to a point obviously. In reality, no! But, both in and out of the transgender community, there still seems to be that obsession with perception.

These are just a few examples of how people’s obsession with perspective effects all of us; every human, at every point in history. It is part of our very nature. And, if given more than a fleeting glance, it is not necessarily a bad thing. It is a sign that we are fearful creatures, that deep down, we want to do the right thing, and we want others to be happy with what we do. But we can also go the opposite direction and, using our own dose of obsession with perception, take the negative view and think badly of other’s actions.

Frankly, I want to approach this with a positive eye open, because then I know and understand, and I have total control over how it affects me, and its outcome. Taking the negative approach, seems to me, to not have an advantage other that having everyone feel bad and view each other with angry skepticism. Besides, I’d rather present myself to the world with my ‘personal scent of Obsession for Me, by Michelle’.


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Michelle Lawson

Well as for the physical 'me'; I had an orchiectomey in October of 2019 and my BA in Oct of 2021. Along with that, will be a change to all of my identification; name changes and gender markers. As for the rest of the 'what makes Michelle tick', come visit the Chat Rooms, and the Forums. As a Manager on TGH, I help to make sure your experiences here are safe, happy, supportive, and educational. You are here to grow and thrive, and we are here to nurture that growth. I look forward each day to helping to keep TGH the de facto standard for support in the transgender community. I look forward to chatting with you all, and reading through what you all post. And if you come across a transgender friendly or supportive place, drop me a line so we can figure out how to add it to our Local Places.

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Reiht Aug
Reiht Aug(@reiht)
6 months ago

Hi Michelle in these days of violence keeping a foot on either side of the fence seems to be the right thing to do. Having said that, it’s not what I do. Since my transitioning, I have not once gone out dressed as a male. The only thing I wear that is maleish would be my one piece long johns as they are quite warm and comfy. My obsession is to be who I am now. I don’t know if this is making any sense but it’s the way I think. I think? LOL

Roxanne Lanyon
Roxanne Lanyon(@roxanne)
6 months ago

Oh my, Michelle! You are so “aware" of life! I adore your thoughts, and reasoning! I too have those quivering little obsessions, like “which skirt should I wear today" and even “Should I wear a skirt today" and “go out shopping as Roxanne?". My life is full of these distractors to the point that they mask my ultimate obsession: " Where is the one who will want me, and make me their wife?". My soul has transitioned now, and I want to be a loving, caring Lady to a wonderful man! Now, where is he? How do I find him?… Read more »

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