Thanksgiving

I used to go to my aunt’s house every Thanksgiving. Those days have passed as she, my mother, and their brother have all moved on to the fabulous banquets above. I went as a kid, an adult, with my children, and then as a grandfather. As my parents aged, we used to go to Village Inn on Thanksgiving and then to a movie. Now, I spend Thanksgiving with my youngest daughter and her family. My world is shrinking. Gone are many of the festivities and family relationships. Some of the blame can rest on me; I am a deep introvert who needs a reason to get out. If I didn’t bowl, golf, or belong to a service club, I would be perfectly happy staying at home, albeit in my dress and accessories. What would my world be like if I integrated the two? How would my daughter react if Brina showed up this year at Thanksgiving?

I wouldn’t do that to her… or me. I run from conflict not create it. It would need to be discussed first and agreed on, and something for down the road possibly.  I know that for some of us, being out in the open is the most important thing. It doesn’t matter if we blend in, but more so in letting it be our way of acceptance. Those, like me, instead look for self-acceptance and the most required sense of peace. It would be a super Thanksgiving to me if I had another individual to share my deepest and most intimate side with. This big house (although I love the quiet) isn’t the same as it was when my parents were quibbling upstairs or my mother making some of her favorite casseroles—a real midwestern church lady through and through. It would be great to share my true self with another.

The holidays sans Halloween can be tough for many individuals, especially crossdressers. I so envy the beautiful dresses at parties on the women who take pride in their presentation. I admit, as a kid, I never wanted to be in the kitchen with the women—give me the football on TV. Today, I’d be joined by my daughter and all of her children as we all share the love of sports (even the awful Hawkeye offense!) We do have Caitlyn Clark and women’s basketball to look forward to, and for that, I’m extremely Thankful! I get to a football game once a year—my daughter is now my season ticket holder. We’ve been going to games together for over 30 years. I would love to dress as she does and as many of the other women at the games (it’s no longer old fat guys that go but full of kids and females) do! This is what I have noticed in myself over the last few years and now recognize as glaring signs throughout my life. I don’t just admire women but wish to emulate their spark! It is one thing to dress like the woman I wish I were and a completely different thing to truly walk in their shoes.

En Femme Style

The more I put into my dressing the more I am Thankful to be around women. They deserve more than our adoration. I think that only a crossdresser or one who is transgendered, maybe the occasional empathetic male can understand the sacrifice, courage, and determination that rests within most women. What looks so easy for them—is but a dream desire for us to replicate. They would scoff at us for wanting to be them… many do. As Betty once said to me, “You only want to replicate the glamorous parts and ignore the rest.” She’s right. We should be Thankful that we can take off the presumption of womanhood and revert to our “Man State” to mix back out in the world. Maybe we truly have the best of both worlds.

Someday, hopefully, before I become unable to do so, I am going to find a way to encompass my love of service to others with my state of being (whatever that may end up being) and be a more positive role model in the world that is becoming ever more cynical. A Transgender’s Thanksgiving meal at the local Food Bank or church. How about a Christmas giveaway of slightly worn Crossdresser clothing to those in need—I could fill it by myself. I’m sure a few of them would love to have our dresses, wigs, jewelry, shoes… I know we are so ready to do it, but… I know… the world for the most part isn’t. Yes, it could happen within the confines of an LGBTQ promotion in certain areas, but I want it to happen and be accepted (or tolerated) by those in my area. As a writer, I’ve shied away from editorializing in my local paper or doing a blog, sticking to my novels and poetry. It could be my way to combat inequitable thinking, provide another and hopefully sane rationale for being better individuals, and dispense with groups and labeling.

So… I am thankful to have this platform and be a vital part of this wonderful site. I have been here for more than 10 years, many in the role of Managing Editor. You might wonder how I got this gig. A very wise individual, the Captain (over on CDH), asked me if I’d be interested in being an editor after I penned my second article. I said, no, they persisted, and here we are. I am so thankful that I said yes. What I share in my words and with all those whose articles I’ve helped along the way, have given me more meaning to my life. I encourage you all to find some small way to say thanks for the gift that we have all received in becoming who we really are. It is most assuredly a gift and one that I will forever be thankful for.

Until next time…

Be happy in the moments that you share with family this Thanksgiving Holiday. Hug a coworker, acquaintance, or friend, and give them a smile that offers reassurance, even if you have your own issues that you are dealing with. We know what stress and worries are, so much more compounded by what we face internally and externally at who we are. The act of giving a smile and hug can be so impactful—for all of us!

Happy Thanksgiving!

 

Brina

EnFemme

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I've been on this path for nearly 50 years, beginning at age 7 when I wore my grandma's old dresses with my cousins. It felt natural. Later, I went through the fetish stage and fought with my insides. After my divorce 20 years ago, I let Brina out only to bury her away during another relationship. Now I accept that she is more who I really am and live my life in the hopes that my path will one of future happiness. Over the last 6 years, I've found out more about who I am, the path that I'm on, and what it means to be transgendered. I've also been much happier since I acknowledged and accepted myself for who I am. I'm still much in the closet as responsibilities take precedence. It doesn't help being an introvert by nature, but I will gracefully walk (mostly, ok, not so gracefully) this path as I become a better me.

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StarletAshley
Member
StarletAshley(@starletashley)
7 months ago

Thank you so much Brina for such a great and heartfelt article! As it is, I’m about to head out to my family’s belated Thanksgiving celebration, which got postponed because a couple of us – including myself – were sick on Thanksgiving. (Finally got over a sinus infection a few days ago.) This will be the first time that some of these people will be seeing me dressed as a woman. Those people who have seen me since I came out have been having difficulty processing it to date. Much as I’d like to wear a pretty dress, I picked… Read more »

jennifer R
Active Member
jennifer R(@jennifer197926)
7 months ago

HAPPY THANKSgiving you too and wow gorgeous dress and heels on you

Amy Myers
Active Member
Amy Myers(@amylove2dress)
7 months ago

Happy Thanksgiving to all of my American friends, here and elsewhere. (In Canada we have Thanksgiving in Oct, just fyi) Thank you too, Brina for all of the hard work you put into doing what you do here, these sites would be much the poorer without your effort! I know the effort it takes to write an article in the first place, so that gives me a lot of admiration for you. Great article too and many thoughtful insights. Like you all of my older relatives have passed and this time of year also brings me a great deal of… Read more »

Marg Produe
Active Member
Marg Produe(@margprodue)
7 months ago

Thank you Brina for this lovely message that I’m reading on Thanksgiving morning and for sharing it with all of us. Peace and joy to you and your family. Marg

Charlene K
Member
Active Member
Charlene K(@charlenev)
8 months ago

Hi Brina, First, love your outfit and your hair. I have always loved your hair and your outfit style. Like you my current Thanksgiving celebrations are so much different than when I was younger. Once I attended and brought only my appetite, eventually our home was the host house, and now again being the elder in our family gathering, we (my wife and I) attend, bringing our appointed part of the fare. And that’s OK, life evolves. However one thing that hasn’t evolved is my longing to “do this" as a woman. To keep this at reply length rather than… Read more »

Charlene K
Member
Active Member
Charlene K(@charlenev)
8 months ago

Ditto those comments.
Only my boundaries, not set out of fear, but out of love and honor toward others that I value deeply keep me from living authentically as the woman I sense myself to be. However being honest about the future, I like you must, concede, “we’ll see."
Kindly,
Charlene

Ellie Davis
Member
Ellie Davis(@ellyd22)
8 months ago

Okay Brina … weird things are happening on the screen. Can you see that too? All circles and ovals?

I’m taking a snip in case you want to see what I mean!

Ellie x

Ellie Davis
Member
Ellie Davis(@ellyd22)
8 months ago

Absolutely loving that dress Brina! 🙂

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